Infidel

I'm currently trying to finish a book about a Muslim women seeking refugee in Holland. I had heard many stories in the past year about Muslim traditions and views on different cultural aspects. This book has illustrated some of the most grotesque traditions. This morning I read two paragraphs that particularly sparked my interest. First, She is talking about the Holland government.
" Government was very present in this country. It could be bureaucratic, sometimes stupidly complex, but it also seemed very beneficial. I wanted to know how you do that. This was an infidel country, whose way of life we Muslims were supposed to oppose and reject. Why was it, then, so much better run, better led, and made for such better lives than the places we came from? Shouldn't the places where Allah was worshiped and His laws obeyed have been at peace and wealthy, and the unbelievers' countries ignorant, poor, and at war?"

I spent hours defending my country in Turkey this past year. Most people who know me, know that I love to argue, I came to a point in Turkey were I just sat patiently, let them make ridiculous claims about my country and then continue on with my discussion. It is so ingrained in the country that they are the best, and that other countries are so crazy that we could never ever be doing something correct. I understand some of their claims, of course because many times i dont agree with my government either, but my country isn't fighting its own people. It is functioning. One of the things I missed most about living in America was the fact that it functions. Communication works. Things get done, granted while i'm here i never thing that these things are the pro's of our society but living and working in a different culture has definitely led me to be thankful for that. The comment that in a country where Allah is worshiped should be better than a country in which Allah is not worshiped also made a smile creep upon my face. When my students asked me about Christianity in a genuinely inquisitive manner, i was shocked to learn that in school they arent even given the basics on other religions. It is taught that the Muslim way is the only way. there is no choice, there is no acknowledging that people in the rest of the world may believe something else. This was always frustrating to me. I need to know all the sides before i can make decisions for myself. How can these people choose to worship something or even do their daily activities without questioning anything? I wonder if their children are notoriously asking "why mom, why dad" Are they told to shut up and not ask questions? That would definitely explain the differences in Governments.

The second passage was about violence.

" I cycled home thinking, "This is why Somalia is having a civil war and Holland isn't" It was all there. People in Holland agree that violence is bad. they make a huge effort to teach their children to channel aggression and resolve their disputes verbally. They had analyzed conflict and set up institutions to regulate it. This was what it meant, to be citizens."
The Turkish temper was something that really got to me. They were always angry. A fist fight broke out due to a disagreement about a book. A fist fight! in class! My friends who when they were angry started yelling fits, instituted silent treatment to deal with anger. I asked several of my male students who had been in fist fights, all of them had. They thought i was asking a stupid question. There is so much political unrest in these countries, and in my opinion they look to blame other people because they don't want to realize that its the way they were brought up. They aren't capable to vocalize their opinions in a constructive manner. They most definitely can protest, but where does that get you. According to my students, no where.
Its funny to me to think about how many people hate me in Turkey because I'm American. They don't know that there is something out there. It's not their fault that their education system doesnt provide them with the tools and resources to make decisions for themselves or to scrutinize their culture. They are taught to follow a set of rules and never asked the question why. It all starts from the childhood question "why"

Return is near

Well I haven't updated this since I've been back. Since that time there have been many moments of freakouts and break downs that so frustratingly come with new life choices. I pondered about a zillion options for next year and finally came to rest on returning to Turkey. It was a difficult decision and what made it worse was making the rounds telling the people that I love that i was up and moving again. Seeing the hint of disappointment in their eyes was difficult but I knew that this is something that needed to happen.

The scariest part of leaving again is knowing I'm coming back. The feeling of the unknown can be the most rewarding, exciting and scariest feelings one can experience. I love that people say, "oh yeah, you are young you have nothing to lose, go travel go do fun things" but what am I missing out on by staying in one place? Am i missing out on great friendships that are easily attained by being available and in the same area code? Am I missing a career opportunity that is staring me in the face? I dont think so, not yet anyways which is why i'm leaving again. A friend told me that being put in one place could quite honestly be as lonely as traveling to a new place all alone. It's what you make of the situations and what you want to gain from each new life puzzle piece. To me, i think this is very true. Before I left abroad last year, i was lonely, i was no happy where I was despite the fact that I had lots of good friends and activities to attend to. It wasnt correct. Then when I would travel to a place and have no real friends, I, for some reason, didn't feel as alone. I think the adventure of everything kept me going. I hope going back to a semi framiliar place wont put me back in the same situation but will challenge me to continue growing into the person I want to become.