Love day, as my title states. I was going to write Valentines day but I forgot how to spell it and since my internet is working rather slowly I decided to rename it. Celebrating the day of Love in another country was rather anti- climatic. I think I got the same questions I would have gotten in America, But Christy why dont you have a boyfriend? Dont you like turkish men? Ah yes, i answer them,I love turkish men however, havent found one good enough for me yet. But why Christy?
Where do I begin.
Instead lets just change the topic. On Thursday Mike came over and we talked with my roommates all night. We opened the nice italian wine Kristie bought us , and let me tell you, each one of us tasted a nice difference when we had some real italian wine again, I do miss that!
Our discussion that night turned into true love, do you believe it in. It was funny to see the reaction when Mike asked Betting and Bulent if they believed in true love, It was even cooler to describe and defend love and finding it and how to find it. It was also interesting to try and follow this discussion in Turkish. True love, Unlike Mike, i believe in it. I just don't see how you can't,maybe there is a certain religious factor that I have in my mind, but i'm pretty sure both bettina and bulent dont. (they obviously have the real thing)
It frustrates me that true love is something so materialized by movies. As this week of love was approaching I was thinking about love and cute things, and I realized my idea of love was very much due to movies, All the cute scenarios i thought of were from a movie, HOw real is that, Is that why so many marriages are ending in divorace , because we have this preconcieved notion of how love is suppose to be? Its suppose to be that fairy tale drama? I dont think so. thankfully I've had enough people around me not in movies who love each other that have guided my thoughts in a different direction.
It's the morning I'm a morning person. I'm drinking coffee so obviously my post is going to be all over the place as this is primetime for my thinking. I'm going to completely abandon that topic and start a new one.
I got a lot of emails from people back home this week. Each one put a smile across my face, then however, they collectively made me really sad. I missed home, I missed being around those who make me laugh and inspire me. I started thinking about my last four months here, they seem pretty short, and I'm sure they will fly by. thanksfully in my bit of homesickness, istanbul did it again and made me fall in love with this city again, so I'm fine now :)
But back to my thoughts on home. I am very proud of my friends in Minneapolis or i guess my friends from Minneapolis. They are passionate and driven. They have hearts that are full of caring for others and making the world a better place. Despite the economic woes, they are pushing through finding new things and keeping themselves occupied. I am impressed. They are all very much the same people I left, and the ones it was difficult to leave b/c i knew that I had a great friend base. I was thinking this morning about returning to Minneapolis, yes it would be great. No I dont miss the winters, Yes I do miss the atmosphere. But one thing has kept returning in my mind. I wanted out of Minneapolis. I wanted out bad. Why did I want out, I wasnt happy, something was missing. I know I still havent found whatever I was looking for here, but it also scares me to put myself back in the situation where most likely I'll return back to my old lifestyle. It wasnt a bad lifestyle by any means but I hav eto think about why I left. I was in search of something. I think I've grown a lot this year. I dont want to see myself slip back and forget what I've gone through, even though i dont think its possible b/c my friends in Minneapolis were the ones who got me to do this in the first place.
Everyday I'm asked, When are you leaving? then what are you doing? When will I ever know what I'm doing and where I'm going where that question doesnt scare me anymore. I think that question has been asked since highschool...isnt about 7 years of complete unknowning long enough?
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
tembel
Tembel means lazy in Turish. I feel lazy, I had a really long, really good weekend then despite my complete utter exhaustion last night I still couldnt fall asleep. I think I had too much on my mind. Conversation barriers/ cultural barriers have been bugging me lately.I keep thinking that things I say and do translate differently here, they are what I want them to be or what I think they are to be. I like the culture here, but I still havent figured it out. I can't always help but think that I'm doing someting offensive, or its my turn to do something. I just wish i knew a little bit better how things worked. THere should be a handbook.
My morning class finished. Mary ended with them on a good note. I had two great days with them then had thier test on friday which ended badly in my mind. They all did fairly well, I think i graded their speaking fairly easily. I liked this class b/c they had great personalities but as a teacher it was really stressful. I wished them all the best with the next few levels. I think they will be able to learn better from new teachers.
Kristie came to visit and we had a great weekend. It was nice to have a female companion to talk to. We did very different things everynight. She met all my classes, they loved her. They asked her to come back and teach here. It was nice to sare cultural experiences with her. We talked about how when we first met, we were like "wow, we are different people, i have a feeling this will be a very interesting month" both of us expecting not to be friends but something brought us together. Its probably the name. She had the opportunity to go home for Christmas and was telling me how she is not ready to go back to America. I told her the same thing. i do miss people and some small things in America, but i'm not ready to go back. And from my understanding, there isnt much for me to go back to. Still the majority of my friends are unemployed, they seem semi happy, but mostly confused about life. I remember being there and be really depressed. I dont know if I could do that to myself. But what is my next step. Everything is temporary. I have nothing longterm in my life, well i guess my family. I have realized once again what friends are going to be there for you and what ones are temporary, need you when you can be there for them, friends. Sometimes it surprises me who falls into which category. Knowing that makes it even more difficult to come back to America. I dont where or what to do with myself, I have realized that based on who I surround myself with, I make different decisions and am also englightened in different ways. I am very fortunate to have had a group of friends last year that pushed me to move abroad as much as they didnt want to see me go. They even helped me research and walked me through the process. That was great. When everyone is in that same position its interesting to see their genuine care about seeing me explore and grow. I think that is it for now. I need to practice turkish as I skipped out on half my lesson yesterday due to utter exhaustion.
My morning class finished. Mary ended with them on a good note. I had two great days with them then had thier test on friday which ended badly in my mind. They all did fairly well, I think i graded their speaking fairly easily. I liked this class b/c they had great personalities but as a teacher it was really stressful. I wished them all the best with the next few levels. I think they will be able to learn better from new teachers.
Kristie came to visit and we had a great weekend. It was nice to have a female companion to talk to. We did very different things everynight. She met all my classes, they loved her. They asked her to come back and teach here. It was nice to sare cultural experiences with her. We talked about how when we first met, we were like "wow, we are different people, i have a feeling this will be a very interesting month" both of us expecting not to be friends but something brought us together. Its probably the name. She had the opportunity to go home for Christmas and was telling me how she is not ready to go back to America. I told her the same thing. i do miss people and some small things in America, but i'm not ready to go back. And from my understanding, there isnt much for me to go back to. Still the majority of my friends are unemployed, they seem semi happy, but mostly confused about life. I remember being there and be really depressed. I dont know if I could do that to myself. But what is my next step. Everything is temporary. I have nothing longterm in my life, well i guess my family. I have realized once again what friends are going to be there for you and what ones are temporary, need you when you can be there for them, friends. Sometimes it surprises me who falls into which category. Knowing that makes it even more difficult to come back to America. I dont where or what to do with myself, I have realized that based on who I surround myself with, I make different decisions and am also englightened in different ways. I am very fortunate to have had a group of friends last year that pushed me to move abroad as much as they didnt want to see me go. They even helped me research and walked me through the process. That was great. When everyone is in that same position its interesting to see their genuine care about seeing me explore and grow. I think that is it for now. I need to practice turkish as I skipped out on half my lesson yesterday due to utter exhaustion.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
espana notte
I think i combined Spanish and Italian in that title but, they understand each other so who cares:)
Yesterday was interesting. I had my lovely morning class. They had an exam which they obviously cheated through. They are frustrating for a teacher. I wouldnt even mind cheating if they did it unnoticably( i think cheating is just a common lifestyle here, acutally it was in my welcome packet.)
Best line yet, one of my better students comes up to me after the exam and says "christy i did not copy" I smiled and said ok, thanks, She said " they asked me for the answers and i told them, but i did not copy" I laughed and said. LEYLA! that is cheating. She says " but no teacher, they(the other students) leyla is the smartest in the class (we were learning superlatives so i was happy she used this) so they asked me for the answers, and i told them. I couldnt wrap my head around why she was telling me this and why she didnt think that was cheating. At least she did "her own test" Maybe i should grade everyones tests with hers as the key!
After the test two of the girls took me to get manti which is like the turkish ravioli. They had been promising me this since i started at English time, since i was their level one teacher too. It was delicious.
I came home with a massive headache starting, I thought maybe it was from the cold i've been fighting for the past week. It just kept getting worse and worse, then I went to work, At some points I could barely see straight and i had to teach for 4 hours. Luckily, my conversation class was very talkitive so that was easy, then I was talking to mike before my night class and he said he wuold grade out tests and take my register for me so i could leave right after the test cause i looked miserable. I reviewed with my students who when given the task of writing a few practice sentences i got "My teacher has a headache. My teacher has a fever. My teacher doesnt look very good" Hahah They took their test very quietly, but took forever, I ended up only leaving 10 minutes early. At this point my vision was blurry at some points and was pretty bummed b/c we were having a big spanish night at our house and i felt like going ot bed. I came home and ate some of the leftovers, very good, and magically my headache lessoned. Which is weird cause i ate the same amount of food i normally eat, it couldnt ahve been that! But i felt well enough to hang out, which ended up being really great. The instruments came back out, and we had a great musical session, once again. This time we had two guitars, Bulent had me play somethign... anything and he made harmony to it. it was really beautiful. It was also really nice b/c i was nervous to play infront of a lot of people, so bettina started conversation so I wouldnt feel so weird, then when i eased up they got quiet. Atmosphere.
Later in the night we got into some political discussion. It started about living in Spain. Then Bulent wanted to know what the teaching conditions were there so maybe i could go there and teach. We reached the conclusion it was better here. but then we started talking about healthcare. And the USA, and the american presidents and people. It was really interesting, hearing first hand from different nationalities about thier healthcare, their take on it, their thoughts on Americans and our politics. It frustrated me how open minded they were about new ideas, what works and what doesnt, When i told them the debate in America they just laughed and were pretty much asking why the american people were idiots. It made me thign about what bugs me about America. I do miss it, but when i think about it, the one thing that really bothered me were peoples attitudes about them "being right" Everyone thinks their way is the only way to be right. Quite often when i would engage in political talks in the US i would keep quiet because i never felt educated enough to make a valid statement. However, I would sit and listen to both sides, and carefully choose what to disagree with if I felt the need to disagree, But if i did disagree i never felt like the same respect was shown to me. Never did they sit and think, hm maybe that could be an option too. It was nope, my way is correct.
I think that is maybe something that goes along with having an opinion, not changing it. But there is no need to get super defensive about it. I think you can find these people everywhere though, not just in america, then American ones just frustrated me the most because i know they are the ones voting in my country.
On a completely different note, I think I had a very interesting Activity (conversation class) yesterday, I was a bit apprehensive since I had a msassive headache and it was suppose to be a level 1-2 speaking hour. I was ready for frustration. However, the ones that showed up were fairly decent speakers. We got onto a very interesting topic which i expected to go in a different direction. Basically one of the questions I asked was "Would you rather be rich and have a lot of "fake" friends or poor with really good friends"
They all admitted before this question taht when you ahve money all your friends are there just for the money which is very true in turkey. When i asked this question, every single one of them said they would rather have money and fake friends. I think they could see the look of surprise on my face becasue then they asked me, I said I didnt think money bought happiness and I would much rather have good friends than a lot of money. And they were like "well christy, what would you do? YOu couldnt afford to go to the movies, etc" I said, well, there are plenty of things one can do without money, I gave some examples, and personal examples of my poor college days and how we found free things to do. they were liek "well that doesnt exist here" I said, sure it does. You just have to look for it, You have to have those good friends that make any situation fun. And they didnt agree with me at all.
Obviously the value of money is different here, as well as the value of friendships, maybe that is why I've had trouble finding real turkish friends, Most of my friends are from different nationalities.
Yesterday was interesting. I had my lovely morning class. They had an exam which they obviously cheated through. They are frustrating for a teacher. I wouldnt even mind cheating if they did it unnoticably( i think cheating is just a common lifestyle here, acutally it was in my welcome packet.)
Best line yet, one of my better students comes up to me after the exam and says "christy i did not copy" I smiled and said ok, thanks, She said " they asked me for the answers and i told them, but i did not copy" I laughed and said. LEYLA! that is cheating. She says " but no teacher, they(the other students) leyla is the smartest in the class (we were learning superlatives so i was happy she used this) so they asked me for the answers, and i told them. I couldnt wrap my head around why she was telling me this and why she didnt think that was cheating. At least she did "her own test" Maybe i should grade everyones tests with hers as the key!
After the test two of the girls took me to get manti which is like the turkish ravioli. They had been promising me this since i started at English time, since i was their level one teacher too. It was delicious.
I came home with a massive headache starting, I thought maybe it was from the cold i've been fighting for the past week. It just kept getting worse and worse, then I went to work, At some points I could barely see straight and i had to teach for 4 hours. Luckily, my conversation class was very talkitive so that was easy, then I was talking to mike before my night class and he said he wuold grade out tests and take my register for me so i could leave right after the test cause i looked miserable. I reviewed with my students who when given the task of writing a few practice sentences i got "My teacher has a headache. My teacher has a fever. My teacher doesnt look very good" Hahah They took their test very quietly, but took forever, I ended up only leaving 10 minutes early. At this point my vision was blurry at some points and was pretty bummed b/c we were having a big spanish night at our house and i felt like going ot bed. I came home and ate some of the leftovers, very good, and magically my headache lessoned. Which is weird cause i ate the same amount of food i normally eat, it couldnt ahve been that! But i felt well enough to hang out, which ended up being really great. The instruments came back out, and we had a great musical session, once again. This time we had two guitars, Bulent had me play somethign... anything and he made harmony to it. it was really beautiful. It was also really nice b/c i was nervous to play infront of a lot of people, so bettina started conversation so I wouldnt feel so weird, then when i eased up they got quiet. Atmosphere.
Later in the night we got into some political discussion. It started about living in Spain. Then Bulent wanted to know what the teaching conditions were there so maybe i could go there and teach. We reached the conclusion it was better here. but then we started talking about healthcare. And the USA, and the american presidents and people. It was really interesting, hearing first hand from different nationalities about thier healthcare, their take on it, their thoughts on Americans and our politics. It frustrated me how open minded they were about new ideas, what works and what doesnt, When i told them the debate in America they just laughed and were pretty much asking why the american people were idiots. It made me thign about what bugs me about America. I do miss it, but when i think about it, the one thing that really bothered me were peoples attitudes about them "being right" Everyone thinks their way is the only way to be right. Quite often when i would engage in political talks in the US i would keep quiet because i never felt educated enough to make a valid statement. However, I would sit and listen to both sides, and carefully choose what to disagree with if I felt the need to disagree, But if i did disagree i never felt like the same respect was shown to me. Never did they sit and think, hm maybe that could be an option too. It was nope, my way is correct.
I think that is maybe something that goes along with having an opinion, not changing it. But there is no need to get super defensive about it. I think you can find these people everywhere though, not just in america, then American ones just frustrated me the most because i know they are the ones voting in my country.
On a completely different note, I think I had a very interesting Activity (conversation class) yesterday, I was a bit apprehensive since I had a msassive headache and it was suppose to be a level 1-2 speaking hour. I was ready for frustration. However, the ones that showed up were fairly decent speakers. We got onto a very interesting topic which i expected to go in a different direction. Basically one of the questions I asked was "Would you rather be rich and have a lot of "fake" friends or poor with really good friends"
They all admitted before this question taht when you ahve money all your friends are there just for the money which is very true in turkey. When i asked this question, every single one of them said they would rather have money and fake friends. I think they could see the look of surprise on my face becasue then they asked me, I said I didnt think money bought happiness and I would much rather have good friends than a lot of money. And they were like "well christy, what would you do? YOu couldnt afford to go to the movies, etc" I said, well, there are plenty of things one can do without money, I gave some examples, and personal examples of my poor college days and how we found free things to do. they were liek "well that doesnt exist here" I said, sure it does. You just have to look for it, You have to have those good friends that make any situation fun. And they didnt agree with me at all.
Obviously the value of money is different here, as well as the value of friendships, maybe that is why I've had trouble finding real turkish friends, Most of my friends are from different nationalities.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
a few good days
Yes my classes and office are still annoying, but despite them, I have had a few good days. Coincidentally they were my days off... mean anything? Probably.
On Monday, I walked to Sultanhamet to look for a birthday present. I enjoyed my long walk by myself, even though it was a bit chilly outside. Then when I came back I made some soup and warmed up. When the roommates came home they said everyone was going downstairs because it was Anya's last night, We went down there and hung out. Luckily the new girl doesnt speak german either so the conversation leaned more towards English. If it was in german for awhile me and her started talking, which was just fine for me. then they brought out a guitar and Bulent got his baglama. We started playing and singing and talking, enjoying a glass of juice and baklava. Over all it was a very peaceful night. I have a cold, which didnt seem to bother me cause i was nice and calm. Then tuesday. I relaxed had some private lessons and when I came home I heard the classical guitar out. i smiled as i took off my jacket. Bettina and Bulent yelled to me, and as soon as I spoke they were like "wow" you dont sound good. Betting jumps up and finds some medice tea stuff (i think its like airborne) and promptly instructs me to take it. Sometimes i need that mom like figure as i was probably just going to attempt tough it out. Appaerntly they were practicing together because they are going to play a concert? I'm not sure b/c Bulent who doesnt speak much english was trying to tell me. But i sat, drank my tea and listened to them play. It was absolutly gorgeous music. It made me realize why grandma loved just listening to my play anything, no matter how good or bad, the peacefulness of listening to music is fabulous. Elena came and joined us later.
Bettina passed me the guitar with instructions that I ought to play b/c she had the capo tonight.(i used that as an excuse a few nights ago) I hate playing in front of others. i feel judged, i mess up, i think everything sounds horrible. But they just keep telling everyone how good i am, and how beautiful the music is that i play. It amazing what kind of atmosphere they set up, because i do feel comfortable playing with them, even though i make a million errors. I even sing! Shocking I know. They made the comment that its in English so i could pretty much sing whatever i wanted and they would hve no idea. That also adds a comfort factor.
Today I went with two of my students to buy the missing guitar sting on the acoustic guitar Bulent gave me. I also bought a capo. I then sat at home all through break and played. It gives me such peace, expecialy after my annoying first class. It also gives me something to do on the cold days.
I think there is a different music culture here that i really enjoy. I have seen and heard a lot of classical guitars. It is beautiful. Its not a bunch of people strumming away, its light, lovely music. It seems that, like in the US everyone has a guitar or knows someone who has a guitar. But there is a different attitude about it here. Not the cocky musicians (well thats not true, there are cocky musicians but, there seems to be a bit more sharing, or less judgement here) that is something I realy appreciate. I dont think i would pick up a guitar in America if I knew someone in the room was better than me. However here, I now bulent and bettina are both better than me, but theya re both so encourageing that it doesnt matter. Wow, I lucked out with housing:)
And on a completely opposite note. I was suppose to go to Egypt next week. That didnt happen. COmpletely lucked out again. Someone is watching over me:) And i dont even need the turkish"evil eye"
On Monday, I walked to Sultanhamet to look for a birthday present. I enjoyed my long walk by myself, even though it was a bit chilly outside. Then when I came back I made some soup and warmed up. When the roommates came home they said everyone was going downstairs because it was Anya's last night, We went down there and hung out. Luckily the new girl doesnt speak german either so the conversation leaned more towards English. If it was in german for awhile me and her started talking, which was just fine for me. then they brought out a guitar and Bulent got his baglama. We started playing and singing and talking, enjoying a glass of juice and baklava. Over all it was a very peaceful night. I have a cold, which didnt seem to bother me cause i was nice and calm. Then tuesday. I relaxed had some private lessons and when I came home I heard the classical guitar out. i smiled as i took off my jacket. Bettina and Bulent yelled to me, and as soon as I spoke they were like "wow" you dont sound good. Betting jumps up and finds some medice tea stuff (i think its like airborne) and promptly instructs me to take it. Sometimes i need that mom like figure as i was probably just going to attempt tough it out. Appaerntly they were practicing together because they are going to play a concert? I'm not sure b/c Bulent who doesnt speak much english was trying to tell me. But i sat, drank my tea and listened to them play. It was absolutly gorgeous music. It made me realize why grandma loved just listening to my play anything, no matter how good or bad, the peacefulness of listening to music is fabulous. Elena came and joined us later.
Bettina passed me the guitar with instructions that I ought to play b/c she had the capo tonight.(i used that as an excuse a few nights ago) I hate playing in front of others. i feel judged, i mess up, i think everything sounds horrible. But they just keep telling everyone how good i am, and how beautiful the music is that i play. It amazing what kind of atmosphere they set up, because i do feel comfortable playing with them, even though i make a million errors. I even sing! Shocking I know. They made the comment that its in English so i could pretty much sing whatever i wanted and they would hve no idea. That also adds a comfort factor.
Today I went with two of my students to buy the missing guitar sting on the acoustic guitar Bulent gave me. I also bought a capo. I then sat at home all through break and played. It gives me such peace, expecialy after my annoying first class. It also gives me something to do on the cold days.
I think there is a different music culture here that i really enjoy. I have seen and heard a lot of classical guitars. It is beautiful. Its not a bunch of people strumming away, its light, lovely music. It seems that, like in the US everyone has a guitar or knows someone who has a guitar. But there is a different attitude about it here. Not the cocky musicians (well thats not true, there are cocky musicians but, there seems to be a bit more sharing, or less judgement here) that is something I realy appreciate. I dont think i would pick up a guitar in America if I knew someone in the room was better than me. However here, I now bulent and bettina are both better than me, but theya re both so encourageing that it doesnt matter. Wow, I lucked out with housing:)
And on a completely opposite note. I was suppose to go to Egypt next week. That didnt happen. COmpletely lucked out again. Someone is watching over me:) And i dont even need the turkish"evil eye"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)