Alright, I am semi settled in and feeling like I'm going to be uprooted fairly soon .. again. I have had a bit of a struggle trying to find housing. Nothing is cheap becasue they LOVE to scam foreigners. And the housing i did find, despites its awesomeness I think it will be straining on my eventually since its farther and more expensive. I have had a good welcoming back to Istanbul. I stayed with two friends when i got back who were both very welcoming. The other teachers that were still here were very excited to see me and made me feel at home, which was nice, it even felt that I was more appreciated now than when i left. Hmm interesting!
This past weekend I taught one class, which was good. I enjoyed being back and having something to do. My students were great, the management was of course chaos as usual. Oh its good to be back. I had to get my apartment keys copied yesterday and in the process of asking for directions the man looked at me confused and says "hold on i will call" He then tells me we must wait 5 minutes. we have a very awkward conversation becasue i am pretty rusty on my turkish and he offers me tea, a custom I am very fond of. Then he gest a call and says "ok we can go" He takes me one bock ot the key maker and sits and watches him make the key. Yep he left his shop to come with me (a shop that i couldnt quite figure out how it functions. its looked like old faucets but literally was the size of my closet back at home. Anyways. turkish work ethic. Gotta love it. this whole time i was slightly giggling to myself at the ridiculousness of it all and was happy to be back. Turkey has many quirks. Some are very hard to get used to and some are just plain comical. Anyways, so far its been a good adventure.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Infidel
I'm currently trying to finish a book about a Muslim women seeking refugee in Holland. I had heard many stories in the past year about Muslim traditions and views on different cultural aspects. This book has illustrated some of the most grotesque traditions. This morning I read two paragraphs that particularly sparked my interest. First, She is talking about the Holland government.
" Government was very present in this country. It could be bureaucratic, sometimes stupidly complex, but it also seemed very beneficial. I wanted to know how you do that. This was an infidel country, whose way of life we Muslims were supposed to oppose and reject. Why was it, then, so much better run, better led, and made for such better lives than the places we came from? Shouldn't the places where Allah was worshiped and His laws obeyed have been at peace and wealthy, and the unbelievers' countries ignorant, poor, and at war?"
I spent hours defending my country in Turkey this past year. Most people who know me, know that I love to argue, I came to a point in Turkey were I just sat patiently, let them make ridiculous claims about my country and then continue on with my discussion. It is so ingrained in the country that they are the best, and that other countries are so crazy that we could never ever be doing something correct. I understand some of their claims, of course because many times i dont agree with my government either, but my country isn't fighting its own people. It is functioning. One of the things I missed most about living in America was the fact that it functions. Communication works. Things get done, granted while i'm here i never thing that these things are the pro's of our society but living and working in a different culture has definitely led me to be thankful for that. The comment that in a country where Allah is worshiped should be better than a country in which Allah is not worshiped also made a smile creep upon my face. When my students asked me about Christianity in a genuinely inquisitive manner, i was shocked to learn that in school they arent even given the basics on other religions. It is taught that the Muslim way is the only way. there is no choice, there is no acknowledging that people in the rest of the world may believe something else. This was always frustrating to me. I need to know all the sides before i can make decisions for myself. How can these people choose to worship something or even do their daily activities without questioning anything? I wonder if their children are notoriously asking "why mom, why dad" Are they told to shut up and not ask questions? That would definitely explain the differences in Governments.
The second passage was about violence.
" I cycled home thinking, "This is why Somalia is having a civil war and Holland isn't" It was all there. People in Holland agree that violence is bad. they make a huge effort to teach their children to channel aggression and resolve their disputes verbally. They had analyzed conflict and set up institutions to regulate it. This was what it meant, to be citizens."
The Turkish temper was something that really got to me. They were always angry. A fist fight broke out due to a disagreement about a book. A fist fight! in class! My friends who when they were angry started yelling fits, instituted silent treatment to deal with anger. I asked several of my male students who had been in fist fights, all of them had. They thought i was asking a stupid question. There is so much political unrest in these countries, and in my opinion they look to blame other people because they don't want to realize that its the way they were brought up. They aren't capable to vocalize their opinions in a constructive manner. They most definitely can protest, but where does that get you. According to my students, no where.
Its funny to me to think about how many people hate me in Turkey because I'm American. They don't know that there is something out there. It's not their fault that their education system doesnt provide them with the tools and resources to make decisions for themselves or to scrutinize their culture. They are taught to follow a set of rules and never asked the question why. It all starts from the childhood question "why"
" Government was very present in this country. It could be bureaucratic, sometimes stupidly complex, but it also seemed very beneficial. I wanted to know how you do that. This was an infidel country, whose way of life we Muslims were supposed to oppose and reject. Why was it, then, so much better run, better led, and made for such better lives than the places we came from? Shouldn't the places where Allah was worshiped and His laws obeyed have been at peace and wealthy, and the unbelievers' countries ignorant, poor, and at war?"
I spent hours defending my country in Turkey this past year. Most people who know me, know that I love to argue, I came to a point in Turkey were I just sat patiently, let them make ridiculous claims about my country and then continue on with my discussion. It is so ingrained in the country that they are the best, and that other countries are so crazy that we could never ever be doing something correct. I understand some of their claims, of course because many times i dont agree with my government either, but my country isn't fighting its own people. It is functioning. One of the things I missed most about living in America was the fact that it functions. Communication works. Things get done, granted while i'm here i never thing that these things are the pro's of our society but living and working in a different culture has definitely led me to be thankful for that. The comment that in a country where Allah is worshiped should be better than a country in which Allah is not worshiped also made a smile creep upon my face. When my students asked me about Christianity in a genuinely inquisitive manner, i was shocked to learn that in school they arent even given the basics on other religions. It is taught that the Muslim way is the only way. there is no choice, there is no acknowledging that people in the rest of the world may believe something else. This was always frustrating to me. I need to know all the sides before i can make decisions for myself. How can these people choose to worship something or even do their daily activities without questioning anything? I wonder if their children are notoriously asking "why mom, why dad" Are they told to shut up and not ask questions? That would definitely explain the differences in Governments.
The second passage was about violence.
" I cycled home thinking, "This is why Somalia is having a civil war and Holland isn't" It was all there. People in Holland agree that violence is bad. they make a huge effort to teach their children to channel aggression and resolve their disputes verbally. They had analyzed conflict and set up institutions to regulate it. This was what it meant, to be citizens."
The Turkish temper was something that really got to me. They were always angry. A fist fight broke out due to a disagreement about a book. A fist fight! in class! My friends who when they were angry started yelling fits, instituted silent treatment to deal with anger. I asked several of my male students who had been in fist fights, all of them had. They thought i was asking a stupid question. There is so much political unrest in these countries, and in my opinion they look to blame other people because they don't want to realize that its the way they were brought up. They aren't capable to vocalize their opinions in a constructive manner. They most definitely can protest, but where does that get you. According to my students, no where.
Its funny to me to think about how many people hate me in Turkey because I'm American. They don't know that there is something out there. It's not their fault that their education system doesnt provide them with the tools and resources to make decisions for themselves or to scrutinize their culture. They are taught to follow a set of rules and never asked the question why. It all starts from the childhood question "why"
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Return is near
Well I haven't updated this since I've been back. Since that time there have been many moments of freakouts and break downs that so frustratingly come with new life choices. I pondered about a zillion options for next year and finally came to rest on returning to Turkey. It was a difficult decision and what made it worse was making the rounds telling the people that I love that i was up and moving again. Seeing the hint of disappointment in their eyes was difficult but I knew that this is something that needed to happen.
The scariest part of leaving again is knowing I'm coming back. The feeling of the unknown can be the most rewarding, exciting and scariest feelings one can experience. I love that people say, "oh yeah, you are young you have nothing to lose, go travel go do fun things" but what am I missing out on by staying in one place? Am i missing out on great friendships that are easily attained by being available and in the same area code? Am I missing a career opportunity that is staring me in the face? I dont think so, not yet anyways which is why i'm leaving again. A friend told me that being put in one place could quite honestly be as lonely as traveling to a new place all alone. It's what you make of the situations and what you want to gain from each new life puzzle piece. To me, i think this is very true. Before I left abroad last year, i was lonely, i was no happy where I was despite the fact that I had lots of good friends and activities to attend to. It wasnt correct. Then when I would travel to a place and have no real friends, I, for some reason, didn't feel as alone. I think the adventure of everything kept me going. I hope going back to a semi framiliar place wont put me back in the same situation but will challenge me to continue growing into the person I want to become.
The scariest part of leaving again is knowing I'm coming back. The feeling of the unknown can be the most rewarding, exciting and scariest feelings one can experience. I love that people say, "oh yeah, you are young you have nothing to lose, go travel go do fun things" but what am I missing out on by staying in one place? Am i missing out on great friendships that are easily attained by being available and in the same area code? Am I missing a career opportunity that is staring me in the face? I dont think so, not yet anyways which is why i'm leaving again. A friend told me that being put in one place could quite honestly be as lonely as traveling to a new place all alone. It's what you make of the situations and what you want to gain from each new life puzzle piece. To me, i think this is very true. Before I left abroad last year, i was lonely, i was no happy where I was despite the fact that I had lots of good friends and activities to attend to. It wasnt correct. Then when I would travel to a place and have no real friends, I, for some reason, didn't feel as alone. I think the adventure of everything kept me going. I hope going back to a semi framiliar place wont put me back in the same situation but will challenge me to continue growing into the person I want to become.
Monday, July 4, 2011
roma homa
My last stop on my trip home was Rome. (Ha that rhymed). It was an odd feeling going back. I realized that I had not explored the city in 4 years. In most of the cities I’ve been to, I haven’t returned. This gave me a sense of security. It also brought back many memories of the beginning of the trip. Italy is Italy, no matter what city you go to. The food was amazing as usual. I ate as much of it as I could before I left. I was really worried and a little bummed that I would be spending my last night alone. However, God provided once again and I met two girls who were also lonely and we spent the entire day together. One, the Austrailian girl was really great to me, she kept saying, this is YOUR last day in Europe!! What do you want to do. To be quite honest we did everything I had planned, and I didn’t have to do it alone. They went on a pub crawl at night, and I walked them to the Spanish stairs and said goodbye, hoping to get a good nights sleep before I left. I went back home taking in the fine Italian scenes around me. Italy is beautiful, it was a great beginning to my trip. Last night I went back to my hostel and tried to sleep. However sleep was not going to come. I laid in bed, hoping to dose off at any moment and it never came. I contemplated going to the airport super early but decided that would be just as pointless. My thoughts and anxiety about going home were in full force.
I got the train and realized I was leaving. I realized I was going very far away, I realized that I just was gone for almost a year, and it barely fazed me (I’m in the airport right now and a bird just landed in front of me and almost attacked me, oh Europe). I’m already nervous about going home, and then I hit the airport. I got in the Alitalia line with loads of other Americans heading back to the US. The lady in front of me was complaining very loudly about her flight to Miami. My stomach turned. Americans, complainers. I’m going back to that, I’m going back to traveling that is very difficult. I’m going back to attitudes that think they are the most superior people in the world, and everyone should make special arrangements for them. My stomach turned again. I then started surveying all the people in the line. They were complaining about how much their baggage weighed for one weeks travel. I thought back to the two girls I’ve been hanging out with, both with bags my size and are traveling for 6 weeks and 2 months. Materialism, I’m going back to a world of materialism. My stomach turned once again. When I was in line for security, this girl in front of my almost started crying to her mom and dad because their seats got changed and “I better have an aisle seat” She was older than me by the way, not a little child. My stomach turned again. In front of those people was a cheery old lady trying to make conversation with the grumpy family in front of me. She said she is going to Chicago, then to Minnesota, She said this in a VERY Minnesotan accent. This finally gave me a little smile, at least there are some perky people around, but it was almost a little annoying perky. This flight is starting off a little difficult for me. Maybe because I’ve had zero hours of sleep, or maybe because I’m scared of what I’m going to find in America. Welp, my flights starting to board. It’s time.
I got the train and realized I was leaving. I realized I was going very far away, I realized that I just was gone for almost a year, and it barely fazed me (I’m in the airport right now and a bird just landed in front of me and almost attacked me, oh Europe). I’m already nervous about going home, and then I hit the airport. I got in the Alitalia line with loads of other Americans heading back to the US. The lady in front of me was complaining very loudly about her flight to Miami. My stomach turned. Americans, complainers. I’m going back to that, I’m going back to traveling that is very difficult. I’m going back to attitudes that think they are the most superior people in the world, and everyone should make special arrangements for them. My stomach turned again. I then started surveying all the people in the line. They were complaining about how much their baggage weighed for one weeks travel. I thought back to the two girls I’ve been hanging out with, both with bags my size and are traveling for 6 weeks and 2 months. Materialism, I’m going back to a world of materialism. My stomach turned once again. When I was in line for security, this girl in front of my almost started crying to her mom and dad because their seats got changed and “I better have an aisle seat” She was older than me by the way, not a little child. My stomach turned again. In front of those people was a cheery old lady trying to make conversation with the grumpy family in front of me. She said she is going to Chicago, then to Minnesota, She said this in a VERY Minnesotan accent. This finally gave me a little smile, at least there are some perky people around, but it was almost a little annoying perky. This flight is starting off a little difficult for me. Maybe because I’ve had zero hours of sleep, or maybe because I’m scared of what I’m going to find in America. Welp, my flights starting to board. It’s time.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
buda- to - the - pest
Budapest was good. It’s a pretty cool city. I spent a lot of time here and found new things to do everyday. Since I’m at the end of my journey I’m semi disinterested. All I can think about is the uncertainty of my future and it depresses me a little bit. I can’t believe its been almost a year. I want to go home. I want to figure out what is going on next. I cant help to think about the friends that will disappear if I don’t go back to Istanbul. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? We they the conditional friends? Those who love me/ appreciate me because I’m there and can entertain, can listen, can be the person to pass time with.
Now I worry about going home. Will my friends and family be different? I know this year has changed me, have they changed too? Will I be able to pick things up as I left them? All these things scare me as I approach my final destination. I think its kind of cool that I’m making a final pit stop in Italy, I think as I wander the streets of Rome for one day, I can reminisce my arrival. The jetlagged stumble into Florence. Meeting my roommates, going out for our first of many Italian dinners together and getting to know one another. Finding out why each person decided to make this change in their life. Each of us came for really different reasons, we came from very different backgrounds, however we all had one thing in common, We needed something new. The majority of us found out we were running from something. I cant help, these last few days, to think about what it was that I was running from when I came here. I cant quite put my finger on it, but I wasn’t happy, I needed out. Am I ready to go back to whatever I was tired/afraid of? In a few days I think I will find out. I sure hope there are some answers waiting for me in the near future as well.
Now I worry about going home. Will my friends and family be different? I know this year has changed me, have they changed too? Will I be able to pick things up as I left them? All these things scare me as I approach my final destination. I think its kind of cool that I’m making a final pit stop in Italy, I think as I wander the streets of Rome for one day, I can reminisce my arrival. The jetlagged stumble into Florence. Meeting my roommates, going out for our first of many Italian dinners together and getting to know one another. Finding out why each person decided to make this change in their life. Each of us came for really different reasons, we came from very different backgrounds, however we all had one thing in common, We needed something new. The majority of us found out we were running from something. I cant help, these last few days, to think about what it was that I was running from when I came here. I cant quite put my finger on it, but I wasn’t happy, I needed out. Am I ready to go back to whatever I was tired/afraid of? In a few days I think I will find out. I sure hope there are some answers waiting for me in the near future as well.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
bucharest
Bucharest.
As we flew into Bucharest, I thought I was flying back into Wisconsin. Quinn, my travel buddy, and I kept looking for cows, but unfortunately we didn’t see any. Quinn is also from Wisconsin. The first thing we did in Bucharest was buy a train ticket out of Bucharest. The second thing? MCDONALDS. Yes, we are that great of worldwide travelers. I wanted to try the ice cream at every McDonalds, but am quickly realizing (without disappointment) they are pretty similar in every country. This one had some crazy baby cones. After checking into our hostel, we accomplished the next most American thing possible to do. We went to H&M at the shopping mall we found. It was normal. Then we walked around the city, found a cute area to eat and went back. We took much needed showers, and Quinn went out again, I was exhausted both mentally and physically from my last few days in Istanbul. Today we walked more and more. I’m convinced we saw all of Bucharest in 24 hours. It was both cute and ugly. It had many green places which made it enjoyable, It also had some of the most disgusting buildings I’ve ever seen.
I also noticed guys love exposing their bellies. All the older men with pot bellies I’ve scene enjoy walking around with their shirts rolled up over them. The girls so far have worn incredibly short shorts/skirts (as Quinn pointed out).
I’m now currently on the train as I type this, and its almost sunset as we are traveling through what we think is translyvania. Its quite beautiful.
As we flew into Bucharest, I thought I was flying back into Wisconsin. Quinn, my travel buddy, and I kept looking for cows, but unfortunately we didn’t see any. Quinn is also from Wisconsin. The first thing we did in Bucharest was buy a train ticket out of Bucharest. The second thing? MCDONALDS. Yes, we are that great of worldwide travelers. I wanted to try the ice cream at every McDonalds, but am quickly realizing (without disappointment) they are pretty similar in every country. This one had some crazy baby cones. After checking into our hostel, we accomplished the next most American thing possible to do. We went to H&M at the shopping mall we found. It was normal. Then we walked around the city, found a cute area to eat and went back. We took much needed showers, and Quinn went out again, I was exhausted both mentally and physically from my last few days in Istanbul. Today we walked more and more. I’m convinced we saw all of Bucharest in 24 hours. It was both cute and ugly. It had many green places which made it enjoyable, It also had some of the most disgusting buildings I’ve ever seen.
I also noticed guys love exposing their bellies. All the older men with pot bellies I’ve scene enjoy walking around with their shirts rolled up over them. The girls so far have worn incredibly short shorts/skirts (as Quinn pointed out).
I’m now currently on the train as I type this, and its almost sunset as we are traveling through what we think is translyvania. Its quite beautiful.
goodbyes again
Istanbul goodbye. As I type my final thoughts of Istanbul, Istanbul is still not out of my mind. I am currently on the train from Bucharest, Romania to Budapest, Hungary. The song playing on my ipod couldn’t be more fitting for this post, “All good things” by the Weepies. The lyrics “all good things come to an end.”
I am not good at goodbyes, leaving Istanbul was especially rough. As you can maybe see from my posts or talking to me when I get back, I’ve changed and that is because of my experiences in Turkey.
Turkey has taught me a lot about myself, and enlightened me about other cultures. I was put in a situation that is probably really difficult for the average person. Despite the language barriers and cultural differences, I was able to meet some pretty amazing people. That is something I don’t think would ever happen in America. People took me under their wing, made sure I was cared for; that was pretty amazing. Seeing that I, in turn, impacted lives here also made saying goodbye difficult.
I don’t think I’ll accurately be able to describe this past year to people in America. You just can’t put labels on things that happen. I’m definitely afraid of going home. I’m scared of reverse culture shock. I hadn’t been out of turkey in 8 months when I arrived in Bucharest. I kept trying to speak the Turkish that was ingrained in my head. I couldn’t understand that things were different. I felt oddly out of place and a little weird. I then realized, this was only the beginning of my transition back to the USA. All day yesterday I had a feeling in my stomach that I was doing something wrong, that I was happy in Istanbul why was I leaving? Was I suppose to leave? A matter of where I should be and when, the classic problem. Knowing that I made the decision to leave, freaked me out. The future is very uncertain. I think once again I could be happy many places. I just want to let God make that decision for me, and I’m trying to remain relaxed and joyful. I have many opportunities and I’m lucky to have people all over the world that love me and want my presence among them. That’s what I really want. I want to be loved, and feel wanted somewhere. A purposeful life.
I am not good at goodbyes, leaving Istanbul was especially rough. As you can maybe see from my posts or talking to me when I get back, I’ve changed and that is because of my experiences in Turkey.
Turkey has taught me a lot about myself, and enlightened me about other cultures. I was put in a situation that is probably really difficult for the average person. Despite the language barriers and cultural differences, I was able to meet some pretty amazing people. That is something I don’t think would ever happen in America. People took me under their wing, made sure I was cared for; that was pretty amazing. Seeing that I, in turn, impacted lives here also made saying goodbye difficult.
I don’t think I’ll accurately be able to describe this past year to people in America. You just can’t put labels on things that happen. I’m definitely afraid of going home. I’m scared of reverse culture shock. I hadn’t been out of turkey in 8 months when I arrived in Bucharest. I kept trying to speak the Turkish that was ingrained in my head. I couldn’t understand that things were different. I felt oddly out of place and a little weird. I then realized, this was only the beginning of my transition back to the USA. All day yesterday I had a feeling in my stomach that I was doing something wrong, that I was happy in Istanbul why was I leaving? Was I suppose to leave? A matter of where I should be and when, the classic problem. Knowing that I made the decision to leave, freaked me out. The future is very uncertain. I think once again I could be happy many places. I just want to let God make that decision for me, and I’m trying to remain relaxed and joyful. I have many opportunities and I’m lucky to have people all over the world that love me and want my presence among them. That’s what I really want. I want to be loved, and feel wanted somewhere. A purposeful life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)