goodbyes again

Istanbul goodbye. As I type my final thoughts of Istanbul, Istanbul is still not out of my mind. I am currently on the train from Bucharest, Romania to Budapest, Hungary. The song playing on my ipod couldn’t be more fitting for this post, “All good things” by the Weepies. The lyrics “all good things come to an end.”
I am not good at goodbyes, leaving Istanbul was especially rough. As you can maybe see from my posts or talking to me when I get back, I’ve changed and that is because of my experiences in Turkey.
Turkey has taught me a lot about myself, and enlightened me about other cultures. I was put in a situation that is probably really difficult for the average person. Despite the language barriers and cultural differences, I was able to meet some pretty amazing people. That is something I don’t think would ever happen in America. People took me under their wing, made sure I was cared for; that was pretty amazing. Seeing that I, in turn, impacted lives here also made saying goodbye difficult.
I don’t think I’ll accurately be able to describe this past year to people in America. You just can’t put labels on things that happen. I’m definitely afraid of going home. I’m scared of reverse culture shock. I hadn’t been out of turkey in 8 months when I arrived in Bucharest. I kept trying to speak the Turkish that was ingrained in my head. I couldn’t understand that things were different. I felt oddly out of place and a little weird. I then realized, this was only the beginning of my transition back to the USA. All day yesterday I had a feeling in my stomach that I was doing something wrong, that I was happy in Istanbul why was I leaving? Was I suppose to leave? A matter of where I should be and when, the classic problem. Knowing that I made the decision to leave, freaked me out. The future is very uncertain. I think once again I could be happy many places. I just want to let God make that decision for me, and I’m trying to remain relaxed and joyful. I have many opportunities and I’m lucky to have people all over the world that love me and want my presence among them. That’s what I really want. I want to be loved, and feel wanted somewhere. A purposeful life.