On my bucket list since I came to Turkey a year and a half ago was to go to a football game. The reputation of the sports fans always made my opportunities a bit non existence. I would not go without the accompaniment of a turkish male. Which as my biggest struggle here is getting away from turkish men i always thought this wouldnt be so difficult. Wrong. Luckily, since extreme behavior at football matches is common, the teams are punished by making the next match a "free woman and children"only match. Every time i heard about this happening i pictured in my head a youth sports game with mom's trying to entertain and keep handle of children. I was wrong. As we walked down the large hill to the stadium (late of course due to class) we heard the overwhelming chant of female voices. That was our first little dose of shock. We managed to use our persuasive smiles to get some of the last tickets.
Now i've been to my share of sporting activities, and this by far tops them. One they did not let the chants die down for a single minute in the entire game. That was cool. Secondly. there was no alcohol. So when i picture loud energetic fans in America (or even the British games i went to) I picture the fans drunkenly falling over. Perhaps some had drunk before the match but there was obviously an overwhelming amount of sober enthusiasm. Also, there was maybe one stand for food. Why do our sports revolve around drinking and eating unhealthy food. I think our fans cant properly cheer on their teams when one hand has a cold beer and the other is holding a brat.
Through most of my experiences in this country, i have a certain image of women. None of which were sports loving energetic women. This was awesome. Finally a perk to being a woman in this country.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
every time lie
One pattern that has repeatedly shown up this time around has been the need to lie. I know all people tell lies. Its a habit we all find ourselves in sometimes, however, there is a different attitude towards lying here.
The lying topic is one of my favorite conversation topics in class. Every class i begin I start with the ice breaker game: two truths and lie, where each person says two true things about themselves, and one lie. I stump them every time when i say i have swum from America to Canada. Suckers...! Back to the point. More than once I have had students recite their 3 statements and we all take our guesses the student then confesses, " they are all true teacher, I don't lie." Frustrating, yes, and true? Definitely not. I normally catch them in a lie within the next two minutes and try to publicly shame them. I'm sure many people are cringing at this tactic but it normally works for me!
About a month ago I had the lying conversation in one of my upper level, and in my opinion pretty educated classes, they gave me a satisfactory answer. "Christy, we lie about everything, even things that aren't important. It is a big problem!" She then proceeded to tell me about a friend of hers who physically can't not lie. She asked him questions that were not important in which she knew the answers to and he blatantly lied to her. She asked why he lied to her, he said its out of boredom or its just a psychological problem.
Its one thing to lie in the sales industry, I think a whole new situation when you feel the need to lie to close friends and family. I have caught my students and friends in quite obvious lies, and they don't feel embarrassed they just cant believe I don't believe them. They feel completely normal. Normal? why is this normal. Have I been blindsided by everyone my whole life. Does this exist everywhere? Is this what our society has come to?
There is absolutely no trust. I want to say that this is why family is so important in the culture but i don't really think that is it. I hear them constantly telling lie after lie to their families.
This is a problem here, and its not only the Turks. I have caught myself telling more lies while I'm here and I have definitely caught people I thought I trusted in serious lies to myself as well. It just confirms the fact that you are who you surround yourself with.
Which brings me to my next topic, I crave changing my surroundings. Yes, I found some really cool people to be my friends for my time here, but they aren't the people that challenge me in the way I want to be challenged. They are all very intellectual people and have definitely taught me about culture, different cultures, and history. They have put very different perspectives on my beliefs and values. They have challenged me in very different ways than I've been challenged before. However, my realization that it is time to return to the US is very largely based on changing my surroundings. I felt as though my friends and family in the US challenge me to do good with my life, at the same time having me question why I do things. Before i was bored with that and wanted to change things up. I did that. It was great, I grew a lot, I changed a lot. Ever since I was a child I wanted to help others, I wanted to feel selfless in some aspect. I wanted to give more than I took. In a country of so much need, I feel helpless. I can't change anything. The resources aren't available. Thus, i must make due, find my niche and help where I can and make plans for the future.
Finally, my time is starting to come to an end. And i'm already freaked out about going back. I had to make a lot of changes in order to uproot my life. I'm afraid of scarring relationships, and changing so much that the existing relationships wont be what I remembered. The values, the ideals, the pace of life is so different than what I have been used to, it definitely freaks me out. But, it happens so much to me, I think I can handle anything thrown at me.
The lying topic is one of my favorite conversation topics in class. Every class i begin I start with the ice breaker game: two truths and lie, where each person says two true things about themselves, and one lie. I stump them every time when i say i have swum from America to Canada. Suckers...! Back to the point. More than once I have had students recite their 3 statements and we all take our guesses the student then confesses, " they are all true teacher, I don't lie." Frustrating, yes, and true? Definitely not. I normally catch them in a lie within the next two minutes and try to publicly shame them. I'm sure many people are cringing at this tactic but it normally works for me!
About a month ago I had the lying conversation in one of my upper level, and in my opinion pretty educated classes, they gave me a satisfactory answer. "Christy, we lie about everything, even things that aren't important. It is a big problem!" She then proceeded to tell me about a friend of hers who physically can't not lie. She asked him questions that were not important in which she knew the answers to and he blatantly lied to her. She asked why he lied to her, he said its out of boredom or its just a psychological problem.
Its one thing to lie in the sales industry, I think a whole new situation when you feel the need to lie to close friends and family. I have caught my students and friends in quite obvious lies, and they don't feel embarrassed they just cant believe I don't believe them. They feel completely normal. Normal? why is this normal. Have I been blindsided by everyone my whole life. Does this exist everywhere? Is this what our society has come to?
There is absolutely no trust. I want to say that this is why family is so important in the culture but i don't really think that is it. I hear them constantly telling lie after lie to their families.
This is a problem here, and its not only the Turks. I have caught myself telling more lies while I'm here and I have definitely caught people I thought I trusted in serious lies to myself as well. It just confirms the fact that you are who you surround yourself with.
Which brings me to my next topic, I crave changing my surroundings. Yes, I found some really cool people to be my friends for my time here, but they aren't the people that challenge me in the way I want to be challenged. They are all very intellectual people and have definitely taught me about culture, different cultures, and history. They have put very different perspectives on my beliefs and values. They have challenged me in very different ways than I've been challenged before. However, my realization that it is time to return to the US is very largely based on changing my surroundings. I felt as though my friends and family in the US challenge me to do good with my life, at the same time having me question why I do things. Before i was bored with that and wanted to change things up. I did that. It was great, I grew a lot, I changed a lot. Ever since I was a child I wanted to help others, I wanted to feel selfless in some aspect. I wanted to give more than I took. In a country of so much need, I feel helpless. I can't change anything. The resources aren't available. Thus, i must make due, find my niche and help where I can and make plans for the future.
Finally, my time is starting to come to an end. And i'm already freaked out about going back. I had to make a lot of changes in order to uproot my life. I'm afraid of scarring relationships, and changing so much that the existing relationships wont be what I remembered. The values, the ideals, the pace of life is so different than what I have been used to, it definitely freaks me out. But, it happens so much to me, I think I can handle anything thrown at me.
Friday, January 20, 2012
tehlikeli
I think its easy for me to deal with little frustrations that life throws at me. However i have come to realize that when i "deal" with those frustrations i mostly just try to forget about them. Then they all seem to add up in the back of my mind and eventually i have one big break down. For me that was two nights ago. One little thing triggered it and i think all my emotions came tumbling out. I had some supportive friends try to cheer me up. I went home and had some much needed conversations with friends at home, since it was normal time there. then the next day, had some very concerned turks check up on me. I felt a little bad about some crap i said about their country but to be honest. For the majority i feel like its true things. I have been incredibly lucky to find a few of those level headed intelligent ones and they showed that by their concern and caring for me over the past year and a half.
On to the caring turks, i realized how much better/ easier my life is here because i teach adults. I cant count the ways they have made my adjustment to this city better. I know if i need anything they are definitely ready and willing to help me. For example, here if you need anything medical you dont go to the doctor you go to the pharmacy tell them your problem and they give you medicine. However finding english speaking pharmacies are a bit tricker. luckily in my level 5 weekend class (very good speakers) i have two pharmacists. I talked to them about my problems and its easily fixed. They were glad to help me.
Another issue that i've been encountering a lot lately is the term "dangerous" or "tehlikeli" in turkish. Everyone and everything is "tehlikeli" Its actually a bit comical to me. I was talking with one my students last weekend. She asked how often i go out. I said maybe once a week. She said, "oh i dont go out" I asked why. She said before she was never allowed to but at age 23 she would get permission but she doesnt want to go out now. She has learned to live a life in the house and not go out. I asked, well you dont want to go drink coffee with your friends on the weekends? She said "maybe, you know i can get permission now, because im older, but istanbul is dangerous, i should just go home" I was a bit in awe. Yes i understand its a city of 17 million people. Yes i understand there are crappy people here, Yes i understand that people are out to scam you here. Buuuuuuuuut, i do feel a whole lot safer here(minus the threat of earthquakes and suicide bombers) I just dont see the random muggings, held up at gunshot, type situation that freaks me out about american cities.
When i explain to my students i live in tarlibasi (which in their minds is the bronx in new york) they get very worried about me. I tell them its not so bad. That i actually feel safer walking home at 2am there and I would never be so daring to do so in America. I've gone out with my students a bunch lately and i swear every other word is "he is dangerous, they are dangerous, that place is dangerous" but what causes this? Is it the fear placed in their minds from over protective parents? I was walking down the street and they freaked out about my purse which was zipped up and next to me. I'm not an idiot, i know how to act in a city, but they are extremely worried. I worry that parents put fear in their children to keep them at home, or to slightly brainwash them. Apparently its working as they are constantly paranoid. Why not just teach intelligence. I think i like that option a whole lot better. I guess i'll talk to some of my educated turkish friends about this. Hopefully its not a "dangerous" subject.
On to the caring turks, i realized how much better/ easier my life is here because i teach adults. I cant count the ways they have made my adjustment to this city better. I know if i need anything they are definitely ready and willing to help me. For example, here if you need anything medical you dont go to the doctor you go to the pharmacy tell them your problem and they give you medicine. However finding english speaking pharmacies are a bit tricker. luckily in my level 5 weekend class (very good speakers) i have two pharmacists. I talked to them about my problems and its easily fixed. They were glad to help me.
Another issue that i've been encountering a lot lately is the term "dangerous" or "tehlikeli" in turkish. Everyone and everything is "tehlikeli" Its actually a bit comical to me. I was talking with one my students last weekend. She asked how often i go out. I said maybe once a week. She said, "oh i dont go out" I asked why. She said before she was never allowed to but at age 23 she would get permission but she doesnt want to go out now. She has learned to live a life in the house and not go out. I asked, well you dont want to go drink coffee with your friends on the weekends? She said "maybe, you know i can get permission now, because im older, but istanbul is dangerous, i should just go home" I was a bit in awe. Yes i understand its a city of 17 million people. Yes i understand there are crappy people here, Yes i understand that people are out to scam you here. Buuuuuuuuut, i do feel a whole lot safer here(minus the threat of earthquakes and suicide bombers) I just dont see the random muggings, held up at gunshot, type situation that freaks me out about american cities.
When i explain to my students i live in tarlibasi (which in their minds is the bronx in new york) they get very worried about me. I tell them its not so bad. That i actually feel safer walking home at 2am there and I would never be so daring to do so in America. I've gone out with my students a bunch lately and i swear every other word is "he is dangerous, they are dangerous, that place is dangerous" but what causes this? Is it the fear placed in their minds from over protective parents? I was walking down the street and they freaked out about my purse which was zipped up and next to me. I'm not an idiot, i know how to act in a city, but they are extremely worried. I worry that parents put fear in their children to keep them at home, or to slightly brainwash them. Apparently its working as they are constantly paranoid. Why not just teach intelligence. I think i like that option a whole lot better. I guess i'll talk to some of my educated turkish friends about this. Hopefully its not a "dangerous" subject.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
accents
I finally passed my 4month hump on my contract. I must say it feels pretty good. I also was dreading the next four months a little bit. However, I did just get my new schedule a few minutes ago, not only do i have the weekend off but I have a good schedule for the next 8 weeks. I can actually enjoy my last 4 months here and travel.
I was hanging out with one of my british friends last night and he wanted to show me some famous film that they all keep quoting. I think it was british equivalent to office space. However, afterwards we watched some scottish sitcom. I realized how a language so close to mine was so difficult to understand. I thought about my students having a mixture of accents for teachers. That must be really difficult even though we try to all speak very clearly.
I was hanging out with one of my british friends last night and he wanted to show me some famous film that they all keep quoting. I think it was british equivalent to office space. However, afterwards we watched some scottish sitcom. I realized how a language so close to mine was so difficult to understand. I thought about my students having a mixture of accents for teachers. That must be really difficult even though we try to all speak very clearly.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Happiness
Tonight my roommate Rabia and i had our classic "romantic dinner night" as in we cook food put on cheesy romantic music and eat together which happens everytime we are home and hungry at the same time. She asked me "When was the last time you were really happy" To me this seemed like either a depressing topic about to be started or a genuine look at my life.
This seemed like a stupid question because everyone knows that "I am the girl that smiles and is happy all the time" then i started to think about how many times i'm smiling and laughing but its really fake. I answered by saying the previous night at my class. they were really good and high spirited. I enjoy teaching in that atmosphere. I am lucky to have a job that makes me happy because i know so many people who are absoluely miserable at their job or looking for one. I realized that even in my lowest points in life i still have a warm group of people around me that are here for me. granted this group of people has changed due to my constant relocation but regarless of that God has blessed me with a support system near and far to make my bad moments good.
As i think about this christmas season, I think about all those who have the "holiday stress" and they dont remember what teh season is about. I think i can cherish it a bit more than normal since i missed it last year, and I'm coming from a country that doesnt know jesus. It is my joy everytime my students ask me about christmas and waht i do and why i'm so excited about it.
This seemed like a stupid question because everyone knows that "I am the girl that smiles and is happy all the time" then i started to think about how many times i'm smiling and laughing but its really fake. I answered by saying the previous night at my class. they were really good and high spirited. I enjoy teaching in that atmosphere. I am lucky to have a job that makes me happy because i know so many people who are absoluely miserable at their job or looking for one. I realized that even in my lowest points in life i still have a warm group of people around me that are here for me. granted this group of people has changed due to my constant relocation but regarless of that God has blessed me with a support system near and far to make my bad moments good.
As i think about this christmas season, I think about all those who have the "holiday stress" and they dont remember what teh season is about. I think i can cherish it a bit more than normal since i missed it last year, and I'm coming from a country that doesnt know jesus. It is my joy everytime my students ask me about christmas and waht i do and why i'm so excited about it.
Monday, December 5, 2011
rollercoaster
I know i've been terrible at updating this, and everyday i think about somethign i want to post but i'm never around a computer and i forget to write these things down. I think the only thing i can update properly on this thing is that Turkey round two has been quite the rollercoaster. it has had its ups and downs. My office is going a bit crazy again. theres loads of interesting drama goingon with friends. Needless to say. I'm excited to go home for christmas but am also excited i'm coming back. The may end point scares me a bit.
Monday, November 14, 2011
work ethic
I have decided that the turkish work ethic really makes me angry. I know it may not be only "Turkish" but its what I've encountered here. I ask my students what did you do this weekend? They say " I studied" All weekend? I ask. That is pretty boring, surely you took a break and maybe ate something, You can tell me about that. No christy, i studied all weekend. Ok what did you study. If they say English, then i laugh because if you studied 48 hours of english and only english you would have at least done the 10 mins of homework I assigned. (of course i didnt actually laugh at my students when they say they studied, i praise them) The amount of studying my students say they do for their courses and the actual productivity seems unequal. I remember my very unproductive study days but that was normally when nothing important needed to get done. If i wanted to go to a party or meeting or something I prioritized, i worked hard for a few hours then I took a break and did the other important things. I knew that if i had to work I had two hours to do my homework. I made everything work.
I know that i was a good prioritizer and that this ability isnt the same for everyone, but I think especially in turkey it doesnt exist. I have turkish friends who i have asked to hang out. I'm sorry i'm studying all week, they say. I think really? No break for one hour and grab a coffee or tea. Nope, i must study constantly. these are people who I know are not being productive. Funny enough i know some of these people are studying for "english" tests. Interestingly enough i offer my help since i'm an english teacher, and they are too proud to accept help. I asked my turkish roommate about this and she says of course we wouldnt take your help. I am dumbfounded again. If i really needed to pass a test and anyone professionial in the subject offered to help me i would gladly accept. She said, nope christy, not in turkey. I was blown away. In a culture built on helping others they have a very individualist approach to somethings. - i guess this isnt true for everyone since i'm annoyed by those "i just want to practice english with you" people. my roommate actually said, christy I wouldnt ask you for help. I said thats a lie we practice all the time. But she rephrased and said if i offered help-which i have on several occasions because i know its important to her- she would never actually ask me to spend time teaching her.
It's so interesting that they wont accept free help, whereas I would in a heartbeat take free turkish lessons. I'm mostly frustrated with the missed plans with me because "i'm studying" I would love to observe my friends and students "study". Better yet, i should teach "prioritizing"
I know that i was a good prioritizer and that this ability isnt the same for everyone, but I think especially in turkey it doesnt exist. I have turkish friends who i have asked to hang out. I'm sorry i'm studying all week, they say. I think really? No break for one hour and grab a coffee or tea. Nope, i must study constantly. these are people who I know are not being productive. Funny enough i know some of these people are studying for "english" tests. Interestingly enough i offer my help since i'm an english teacher, and they are too proud to accept help. I asked my turkish roommate about this and she says of course we wouldnt take your help. I am dumbfounded again. If i really needed to pass a test and anyone professionial in the subject offered to help me i would gladly accept. She said, nope christy, not in turkey. I was blown away. In a culture built on helping others they have a very individualist approach to somethings. - i guess this isnt true for everyone since i'm annoyed by those "i just want to practice english with you" people. my roommate actually said, christy I wouldnt ask you for help. I said thats a lie we practice all the time. But she rephrased and said if i offered help-which i have on several occasions because i know its important to her- she would never actually ask me to spend time teaching her.
It's so interesting that they wont accept free help, whereas I would in a heartbeat take free turkish lessons. I'm mostly frustrated with the missed plans with me because "i'm studying" I would love to observe my friends and students "study". Better yet, i should teach "prioritizing"
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
weekends
I'm reading a book right now that said " people dont ask you about your weekend unless they want to tell you about theirs" I couldnt help but think how true this was. In the US you always had to one up your conversation partner. You never ask about someones weekend unless maybe you are really bored and want any little piece of conversation starter. Here I always ask about my students weekend, mainly to get them talking but I have realized I always get teh same answer " i went home, i watched tv. i slept." Boring. If i tell them i did someting which normally i avoid the topic they think I am so adventous. However, i normally do my weekend activities out of bordom or ambition to get outa the house. This is purely not the case here. Their answer are so foreign to me however, I kind of like the lack of judgement when i say " oh i did absolutely nothing this past weekend"
Thursday, October 27, 2011
21 days
It takes 21 days to break or make a habit. What are you suppose to do for those 21 days? 21 days can be a long time. i think i barely made it 21 days in my last living situation... but i think that was a completely different thing. I have now been back for 1.5 months. I'm finally starting to form some habits. I think life is better when you have routines and habits. I enjoy my mornings slowly rising, making coffee and relaxing, either reading,checking my email or talking with Sandra if she is here. The rest of my day always seems to be a blur as i've actually been working a lot. I have no idea what is going to happen when I actualy have morning class. I crave a future of certainty and routines.
Habits are forming in Istanbul and I'm starting to relax. The only problem is when there is a habit that seems all to framiliar that you try to break. I always live my life thinking that anything is possible, so even bad habits go away within time... perhaps 21 days worth of time.
Habits are forming in Istanbul and I'm starting to relax. The only problem is when there is a habit that seems all to framiliar that you try to break. I always live my life thinking that anything is possible, so even bad habits go away within time... perhaps 21 days worth of time.
Friday, October 21, 2011
home vs house
It has been in the last few weeks where i realized the the importance of what I did with habitat two years ago. I thought before, i've lived in crappy college houses and never had a problem. I do think it would be nice to raise families in nice housing so I happily built houses and supported the habitat mission. However with my recent experiences i now understand the importance of feeling comfortable in your house. There is nothing worse than dreading to go home. The constant avoidance of being at home, of bringing friends over due to what might be waiting you unexpected.
I am now much happier in a place where I enjoy going home. I know nothing crazy will be different. It does seem that they have changed something every time i come home. It is quite entertaining actually, as they are very crafty people. Life is looking up and my happiness level is definitely higher.
I am now much happier in a place where I enjoy going home. I know nothing crazy will be different. It does seem that they have changed something every time i come home. It is quite entertaining actually, as they are very crafty people. Life is looking up and my happiness level is definitely higher.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
welfare
I had a lower level student ask me about food stamps and what they were yesterday. I explained or attempted to explaın our welfare system. Thıs ıs a complete foreıgn ıdea to turks because for them ıf they are poor they lean on theır famıly. the ıdea of an ındıvıdualıst socıety ıs very dıffıcult for them to understand. That theory hıt home wıth me yesterday as for the fırst tıme ı serıously contemplated baılıng and comıng home. I was worrıed about what ı would do and what people would thınk of me. I dıd realıze that no matter how much our socıety ıs based on beıng ındıvıduals we do have a sense of famıly and communıty and no matter what you are supported ın all your decısıons. I thınk that here they dont have that. You cant make crazy decısıons and be supported by your famıly. You cant even make decısıons that may conflıct your famılıes ıdeas. That ıs what ıs so great about our western culture.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
New address
Hello faithful followers.
I will have mail sent to my school again. Here is the address. This is a bit differnet maybe now it wont get lost as much? I am also trying to befriend the office staff so they wont hide my mail in spite of me being a teacher. It is as follows:
English Time
Christy Corso
Ä°stiklal Caddesi
Örs Turistik İş Merkezi No:151
Taksim / BeyoÄŸlu, Ä°stanbul 34300
TURKEY
I know I havent written much lately, but its because nothign spectaculare has been happening. I guess the biggest stuff in my life is hearing about all the drama going on back home. I often think "america has it all together" but when I talk to the people i know in America it seems like thier lives are incredibly stressful and depressing. I am sad i'm not there to be there for people who need it but, maybe that depressing section is out of my life right now, and that is a positive in my mind. I know the moment i come back I will be bombarded with questions about my future, what are you doing, why are you doing it. Dont you have a plan? All those questions present loads of stress. Yes those same questions are asked here but i feel like they arent asked with such a condescending town. "
Side note: Despite the fact that women's rights are pretty different here there are some perks to having men protect us in this culture. I'm sitting at starbucks and some creep starting talking to the girl behind me, from the moment he approached i saw all 3 male employees have an eye on him. they let it last for about 1 full minute and realized it was not wanted conversation and they quickly escorted him out. There is no messing around when it comes to making sure women are comfortable, which is always reassuring! (dad you can rest easy )
I will have mail sent to my school again. Here is the address. This is a bit differnet maybe now it wont get lost as much? I am also trying to befriend the office staff so they wont hide my mail in spite of me being a teacher. It is as follows:
English Time
Christy Corso
Ä°stiklal Caddesi
Örs Turistik İş Merkezi No:151
Taksim / BeyoÄŸlu, Ä°stanbul 34300
TURKEY
I know I havent written much lately, but its because nothign spectaculare has been happening. I guess the biggest stuff in my life is hearing about all the drama going on back home. I often think "america has it all together" but when I talk to the people i know in America it seems like thier lives are incredibly stressful and depressing. I am sad i'm not there to be there for people who need it but, maybe that depressing section is out of my life right now, and that is a positive in my mind. I know the moment i come back I will be bombarded with questions about my future, what are you doing, why are you doing it. Dont you have a plan? All those questions present loads of stress. Yes those same questions are asked here but i feel like they arent asked with such a condescending town. "
Side note: Despite the fact that women's rights are pretty different here there are some perks to having men protect us in this culture. I'm sitting at starbucks and some creep starting talking to the girl behind me, from the moment he approached i saw all 3 male employees have an eye on him. they let it last for about 1 full minute and realized it was not wanted conversation and they quickly escorted him out. There is no messing around when it comes to making sure women are comfortable, which is always reassuring! (dad you can rest easy )
Friday, September 23, 2011
on the horizon
After contemplating taking the next flight out of Istanbul, my luck started to change. I think i had finally hit rockMy bottom. I am finally getting settled into what i hope will be permanent housing. I now live with two Turkish girls and a puppy. This puppy was the problem. The day i paid rent they decided to get a puppy, Our apartment is extremely small so I didnt agree that this was the best place to keep a dog. It has started to get better. The girl is doing a good job of taking care of it and is being very respectful. I think that is all i can ask for in this situation.
Job: i've been interviewing at other jobs, but i also have been weighing the pro's and cons . I really want to only be here for 6months and this is the only job that will offer that option. I am on good terms so far with the frustrating head teacher so I assume if she has no reason to hate me, I can go about my job peacefully. Also yesterday at the end of my class, i had three students come up to me and thank me for what i do. they said it was really useful and they were happy i was their teacher. that really changed my mind about jumping ship too. This branch is near failure. I don't have the heart to leave my students that are tryign to learn English. Its not their fault that the management is terrible. They have done nothing wrong to me.
I have been thinking lately a lot of about the captivity that my students and friends are in. they live in a world that is so different than mine. Its frustrating to see. I guess i'll touch on that more in later posts. But now I'm hungry..
Job: i've been interviewing at other jobs, but i also have been weighing the pro's and cons . I really want to only be here for 6months and this is the only job that will offer that option. I am on good terms so far with the frustrating head teacher so I assume if she has no reason to hate me, I can go about my job peacefully. Also yesterday at the end of my class, i had three students come up to me and thank me for what i do. they said it was really useful and they were happy i was their teacher. that really changed my mind about jumping ship too. This branch is near failure. I don't have the heart to leave my students that are tryign to learn English. Its not their fault that the management is terrible. They have done nothing wrong to me.
I have been thinking lately a lot of about the captivity that my students and friends are in. they live in a world that is so different than mine. Its frustrating to see. I guess i'll touch on that more in later posts. But now I'm hungry..
Thursday, September 15, 2011
second time
I have always tried avoiding doing things a second time due to the fact that its never as good as the first. You hold expectations and you are frustrated when they dont meet your marks. One of my biggest fears about coming back was that this scenario would become true. Things at my school are absolutely madness right now. I have to decide whether i'm going to stick around for 6 months of ridiculousness or bail. I thought last year, English time was about as crazy as it was going to get since apparently it used to be a pretty bad school and we were going throught some transition. However, I was wrong and after the crazy new procedures they are introducing my first thought was to jump ship. It all reality it looks like the majority of the teachers are either sticking out to the end, or also looking for an opening to get out. The sad part is I really like my classes. Granted its only two classes so far and I'm bound to have some bad apples in the bunch, but I like the students. This time around hasnt been the smooth sailing adventure as I thought it was going to be. It has definitely presented a lot of struggles and its only the beginning. However dear readers, it does not mean i hate being here because that is not true, I am still very satisfied with my decision to come back. Its just a little different than I expected.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
outside living
Alright, I am semi settled in and feeling like I'm going to be uprooted fairly soon .. again. I have had a bit of a struggle trying to find housing. Nothing is cheap becasue they LOVE to scam foreigners. And the housing i did find, despites its awesomeness I think it will be straining on my eventually since its farther and more expensive. I have had a good welcoming back to Istanbul. I stayed with two friends when i got back who were both very welcoming. The other teachers that were still here were very excited to see me and made me feel at home, which was nice, it even felt that I was more appreciated now than when i left. Hmm interesting!
This past weekend I taught one class, which was good. I enjoyed being back and having something to do. My students were great, the management was of course chaos as usual. Oh its good to be back. I had to get my apartment keys copied yesterday and in the process of asking for directions the man looked at me confused and says "hold on i will call" He then tells me we must wait 5 minutes. we have a very awkward conversation becasue i am pretty rusty on my turkish and he offers me tea, a custom I am very fond of. Then he gest a call and says "ok we can go" He takes me one bock ot the key maker and sits and watches him make the key. Yep he left his shop to come with me (a shop that i couldnt quite figure out how it functions. its looked like old faucets but literally was the size of my closet back at home. Anyways. turkish work ethic. Gotta love it. this whole time i was slightly giggling to myself at the ridiculousness of it all and was happy to be back. Turkey has many quirks. Some are very hard to get used to and some are just plain comical. Anyways, so far its been a good adventure.
This past weekend I taught one class, which was good. I enjoyed being back and having something to do. My students were great, the management was of course chaos as usual. Oh its good to be back. I had to get my apartment keys copied yesterday and in the process of asking for directions the man looked at me confused and says "hold on i will call" He then tells me we must wait 5 minutes. we have a very awkward conversation becasue i am pretty rusty on my turkish and he offers me tea, a custom I am very fond of. Then he gest a call and says "ok we can go" He takes me one bock ot the key maker and sits and watches him make the key. Yep he left his shop to come with me (a shop that i couldnt quite figure out how it functions. its looked like old faucets but literally was the size of my closet back at home. Anyways. turkish work ethic. Gotta love it. this whole time i was slightly giggling to myself at the ridiculousness of it all and was happy to be back. Turkey has many quirks. Some are very hard to get used to and some are just plain comical. Anyways, so far its been a good adventure.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Infidel
I'm currently trying to finish a book about a Muslim women seeking refugee in Holland. I had heard many stories in the past year about Muslim traditions and views on different cultural aspects. This book has illustrated some of the most grotesque traditions. This morning I read two paragraphs that particularly sparked my interest. First, She is talking about the Holland government.
" Government was very present in this country. It could be bureaucratic, sometimes stupidly complex, but it also seemed very beneficial. I wanted to know how you do that. This was an infidel country, whose way of life we Muslims were supposed to oppose and reject. Why was it, then, so much better run, better led, and made for such better lives than the places we came from? Shouldn't the places where Allah was worshiped and His laws obeyed have been at peace and wealthy, and the unbelievers' countries ignorant, poor, and at war?"
I spent hours defending my country in Turkey this past year. Most people who know me, know that I love to argue, I came to a point in Turkey were I just sat patiently, let them make ridiculous claims about my country and then continue on with my discussion. It is so ingrained in the country that they are the best, and that other countries are so crazy that we could never ever be doing something correct. I understand some of their claims, of course because many times i dont agree with my government either, but my country isn't fighting its own people. It is functioning. One of the things I missed most about living in America was the fact that it functions. Communication works. Things get done, granted while i'm here i never thing that these things are the pro's of our society but living and working in a different culture has definitely led me to be thankful for that. The comment that in a country where Allah is worshiped should be better than a country in which Allah is not worshiped also made a smile creep upon my face. When my students asked me about Christianity in a genuinely inquisitive manner, i was shocked to learn that in school they arent even given the basics on other religions. It is taught that the Muslim way is the only way. there is no choice, there is no acknowledging that people in the rest of the world may believe something else. This was always frustrating to me. I need to know all the sides before i can make decisions for myself. How can these people choose to worship something or even do their daily activities without questioning anything? I wonder if their children are notoriously asking "why mom, why dad" Are they told to shut up and not ask questions? That would definitely explain the differences in Governments.
The second passage was about violence.
" I cycled home thinking, "This is why Somalia is having a civil war and Holland isn't" It was all there. People in Holland agree that violence is bad. they make a huge effort to teach their children to channel aggression and resolve their disputes verbally. They had analyzed conflict and set up institutions to regulate it. This was what it meant, to be citizens."
The Turkish temper was something that really got to me. They were always angry. A fist fight broke out due to a disagreement about a book. A fist fight! in class! My friends who when they were angry started yelling fits, instituted silent treatment to deal with anger. I asked several of my male students who had been in fist fights, all of them had. They thought i was asking a stupid question. There is so much political unrest in these countries, and in my opinion they look to blame other people because they don't want to realize that its the way they were brought up. They aren't capable to vocalize their opinions in a constructive manner. They most definitely can protest, but where does that get you. According to my students, no where.
Its funny to me to think about how many people hate me in Turkey because I'm American. They don't know that there is something out there. It's not their fault that their education system doesnt provide them with the tools and resources to make decisions for themselves or to scrutinize their culture. They are taught to follow a set of rules and never asked the question why. It all starts from the childhood question "why"
" Government was very present in this country. It could be bureaucratic, sometimes stupidly complex, but it also seemed very beneficial. I wanted to know how you do that. This was an infidel country, whose way of life we Muslims were supposed to oppose and reject. Why was it, then, so much better run, better led, and made for such better lives than the places we came from? Shouldn't the places where Allah was worshiped and His laws obeyed have been at peace and wealthy, and the unbelievers' countries ignorant, poor, and at war?"
I spent hours defending my country in Turkey this past year. Most people who know me, know that I love to argue, I came to a point in Turkey were I just sat patiently, let them make ridiculous claims about my country and then continue on with my discussion. It is so ingrained in the country that they are the best, and that other countries are so crazy that we could never ever be doing something correct. I understand some of their claims, of course because many times i dont agree with my government either, but my country isn't fighting its own people. It is functioning. One of the things I missed most about living in America was the fact that it functions. Communication works. Things get done, granted while i'm here i never thing that these things are the pro's of our society but living and working in a different culture has definitely led me to be thankful for that. The comment that in a country where Allah is worshiped should be better than a country in which Allah is not worshiped also made a smile creep upon my face. When my students asked me about Christianity in a genuinely inquisitive manner, i was shocked to learn that in school they arent even given the basics on other religions. It is taught that the Muslim way is the only way. there is no choice, there is no acknowledging that people in the rest of the world may believe something else. This was always frustrating to me. I need to know all the sides before i can make decisions for myself. How can these people choose to worship something or even do their daily activities without questioning anything? I wonder if their children are notoriously asking "why mom, why dad" Are they told to shut up and not ask questions? That would definitely explain the differences in Governments.
The second passage was about violence.
" I cycled home thinking, "This is why Somalia is having a civil war and Holland isn't" It was all there. People in Holland agree that violence is bad. they make a huge effort to teach their children to channel aggression and resolve their disputes verbally. They had analyzed conflict and set up institutions to regulate it. This was what it meant, to be citizens."
The Turkish temper was something that really got to me. They were always angry. A fist fight broke out due to a disagreement about a book. A fist fight! in class! My friends who when they were angry started yelling fits, instituted silent treatment to deal with anger. I asked several of my male students who had been in fist fights, all of them had. They thought i was asking a stupid question. There is so much political unrest in these countries, and in my opinion they look to blame other people because they don't want to realize that its the way they were brought up. They aren't capable to vocalize their opinions in a constructive manner. They most definitely can protest, but where does that get you. According to my students, no where.
Its funny to me to think about how many people hate me in Turkey because I'm American. They don't know that there is something out there. It's not their fault that their education system doesnt provide them with the tools and resources to make decisions for themselves or to scrutinize their culture. They are taught to follow a set of rules and never asked the question why. It all starts from the childhood question "why"
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Return is near
Well I haven't updated this since I've been back. Since that time there have been many moments of freakouts and break downs that so frustratingly come with new life choices. I pondered about a zillion options for next year and finally came to rest on returning to Turkey. It was a difficult decision and what made it worse was making the rounds telling the people that I love that i was up and moving again. Seeing the hint of disappointment in their eyes was difficult but I knew that this is something that needed to happen.
The scariest part of leaving again is knowing I'm coming back. The feeling of the unknown can be the most rewarding, exciting and scariest feelings one can experience. I love that people say, "oh yeah, you are young you have nothing to lose, go travel go do fun things" but what am I missing out on by staying in one place? Am i missing out on great friendships that are easily attained by being available and in the same area code? Am I missing a career opportunity that is staring me in the face? I dont think so, not yet anyways which is why i'm leaving again. A friend told me that being put in one place could quite honestly be as lonely as traveling to a new place all alone. It's what you make of the situations and what you want to gain from each new life puzzle piece. To me, i think this is very true. Before I left abroad last year, i was lonely, i was no happy where I was despite the fact that I had lots of good friends and activities to attend to. It wasnt correct. Then when I would travel to a place and have no real friends, I, for some reason, didn't feel as alone. I think the adventure of everything kept me going. I hope going back to a semi framiliar place wont put me back in the same situation but will challenge me to continue growing into the person I want to become.
The scariest part of leaving again is knowing I'm coming back. The feeling of the unknown can be the most rewarding, exciting and scariest feelings one can experience. I love that people say, "oh yeah, you are young you have nothing to lose, go travel go do fun things" but what am I missing out on by staying in one place? Am i missing out on great friendships that are easily attained by being available and in the same area code? Am I missing a career opportunity that is staring me in the face? I dont think so, not yet anyways which is why i'm leaving again. A friend told me that being put in one place could quite honestly be as lonely as traveling to a new place all alone. It's what you make of the situations and what you want to gain from each new life puzzle piece. To me, i think this is very true. Before I left abroad last year, i was lonely, i was no happy where I was despite the fact that I had lots of good friends and activities to attend to. It wasnt correct. Then when I would travel to a place and have no real friends, I, for some reason, didn't feel as alone. I think the adventure of everything kept me going. I hope going back to a semi framiliar place wont put me back in the same situation but will challenge me to continue growing into the person I want to become.
Monday, July 4, 2011
roma homa
My last stop on my trip home was Rome. (Ha that rhymed). It was an odd feeling going back. I realized that I had not explored the city in 4 years. In most of the cities I’ve been to, I haven’t returned. This gave me a sense of security. It also brought back many memories of the beginning of the trip. Italy is Italy, no matter what city you go to. The food was amazing as usual. I ate as much of it as I could before I left. I was really worried and a little bummed that I would be spending my last night alone. However, God provided once again and I met two girls who were also lonely and we spent the entire day together. One, the Austrailian girl was really great to me, she kept saying, this is YOUR last day in Europe!! What do you want to do. To be quite honest we did everything I had planned, and I didn’t have to do it alone. They went on a pub crawl at night, and I walked them to the Spanish stairs and said goodbye, hoping to get a good nights sleep before I left. I went back home taking in the fine Italian scenes around me. Italy is beautiful, it was a great beginning to my trip. Last night I went back to my hostel and tried to sleep. However sleep was not going to come. I laid in bed, hoping to dose off at any moment and it never came. I contemplated going to the airport super early but decided that would be just as pointless. My thoughts and anxiety about going home were in full force.
I got the train and realized I was leaving. I realized I was going very far away, I realized that I just was gone for almost a year, and it barely fazed me (I’m in the airport right now and a bird just landed in front of me and almost attacked me, oh Europe). I’m already nervous about going home, and then I hit the airport. I got in the Alitalia line with loads of other Americans heading back to the US. The lady in front of me was complaining very loudly about her flight to Miami. My stomach turned. Americans, complainers. I’m going back to that, I’m going back to traveling that is very difficult. I’m going back to attitudes that think they are the most superior people in the world, and everyone should make special arrangements for them. My stomach turned again. I then started surveying all the people in the line. They were complaining about how much their baggage weighed for one weeks travel. I thought back to the two girls I’ve been hanging out with, both with bags my size and are traveling for 6 weeks and 2 months. Materialism, I’m going back to a world of materialism. My stomach turned once again. When I was in line for security, this girl in front of my almost started crying to her mom and dad because their seats got changed and “I better have an aisle seat” She was older than me by the way, not a little child. My stomach turned again. In front of those people was a cheery old lady trying to make conversation with the grumpy family in front of me. She said she is going to Chicago, then to Minnesota, She said this in a VERY Minnesotan accent. This finally gave me a little smile, at least there are some perky people around, but it was almost a little annoying perky. This flight is starting off a little difficult for me. Maybe because I’ve had zero hours of sleep, or maybe because I’m scared of what I’m going to find in America. Welp, my flights starting to board. It’s time.
I got the train and realized I was leaving. I realized I was going very far away, I realized that I just was gone for almost a year, and it barely fazed me (I’m in the airport right now and a bird just landed in front of me and almost attacked me, oh Europe). I’m already nervous about going home, and then I hit the airport. I got in the Alitalia line with loads of other Americans heading back to the US. The lady in front of me was complaining very loudly about her flight to Miami. My stomach turned. Americans, complainers. I’m going back to that, I’m going back to traveling that is very difficult. I’m going back to attitudes that think they are the most superior people in the world, and everyone should make special arrangements for them. My stomach turned again. I then started surveying all the people in the line. They were complaining about how much their baggage weighed for one weeks travel. I thought back to the two girls I’ve been hanging out with, both with bags my size and are traveling for 6 weeks and 2 months. Materialism, I’m going back to a world of materialism. My stomach turned once again. When I was in line for security, this girl in front of my almost started crying to her mom and dad because their seats got changed and “I better have an aisle seat” She was older than me by the way, not a little child. My stomach turned again. In front of those people was a cheery old lady trying to make conversation with the grumpy family in front of me. She said she is going to Chicago, then to Minnesota, She said this in a VERY Minnesotan accent. This finally gave me a little smile, at least there are some perky people around, but it was almost a little annoying perky. This flight is starting off a little difficult for me. Maybe because I’ve had zero hours of sleep, or maybe because I’m scared of what I’m going to find in America. Welp, my flights starting to board. It’s time.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
buda- to - the - pest
Budapest was good. It’s a pretty cool city. I spent a lot of time here and found new things to do everyday. Since I’m at the end of my journey I’m semi disinterested. All I can think about is the uncertainty of my future and it depresses me a little bit. I can’t believe its been almost a year. I want to go home. I want to figure out what is going on next. I cant help to think about the friends that will disappear if I don’t go back to Istanbul. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? We they the conditional friends? Those who love me/ appreciate me because I’m there and can entertain, can listen, can be the person to pass time with.
Now I worry about going home. Will my friends and family be different? I know this year has changed me, have they changed too? Will I be able to pick things up as I left them? All these things scare me as I approach my final destination. I think its kind of cool that I’m making a final pit stop in Italy, I think as I wander the streets of Rome for one day, I can reminisce my arrival. The jetlagged stumble into Florence. Meeting my roommates, going out for our first of many Italian dinners together and getting to know one another. Finding out why each person decided to make this change in their life. Each of us came for really different reasons, we came from very different backgrounds, however we all had one thing in common, We needed something new. The majority of us found out we were running from something. I cant help, these last few days, to think about what it was that I was running from when I came here. I cant quite put my finger on it, but I wasn’t happy, I needed out. Am I ready to go back to whatever I was tired/afraid of? In a few days I think I will find out. I sure hope there are some answers waiting for me in the near future as well.
Now I worry about going home. Will my friends and family be different? I know this year has changed me, have they changed too? Will I be able to pick things up as I left them? All these things scare me as I approach my final destination. I think its kind of cool that I’m making a final pit stop in Italy, I think as I wander the streets of Rome for one day, I can reminisce my arrival. The jetlagged stumble into Florence. Meeting my roommates, going out for our first of many Italian dinners together and getting to know one another. Finding out why each person decided to make this change in their life. Each of us came for really different reasons, we came from very different backgrounds, however we all had one thing in common, We needed something new. The majority of us found out we were running from something. I cant help, these last few days, to think about what it was that I was running from when I came here. I cant quite put my finger on it, but I wasn’t happy, I needed out. Am I ready to go back to whatever I was tired/afraid of? In a few days I think I will find out. I sure hope there are some answers waiting for me in the near future as well.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
bucharest
Bucharest.
As we flew into Bucharest, I thought I was flying back into Wisconsin. Quinn, my travel buddy, and I kept looking for cows, but unfortunately we didn’t see any. Quinn is also from Wisconsin. The first thing we did in Bucharest was buy a train ticket out of Bucharest. The second thing? MCDONALDS. Yes, we are that great of worldwide travelers. I wanted to try the ice cream at every McDonalds, but am quickly realizing (without disappointment) they are pretty similar in every country. This one had some crazy baby cones. After checking into our hostel, we accomplished the next most American thing possible to do. We went to H&M at the shopping mall we found. It was normal. Then we walked around the city, found a cute area to eat and went back. We took much needed showers, and Quinn went out again, I was exhausted both mentally and physically from my last few days in Istanbul. Today we walked more and more. I’m convinced we saw all of Bucharest in 24 hours. It was both cute and ugly. It had many green places which made it enjoyable, It also had some of the most disgusting buildings I’ve ever seen.
I also noticed guys love exposing their bellies. All the older men with pot bellies I’ve scene enjoy walking around with their shirts rolled up over them. The girls so far have worn incredibly short shorts/skirts (as Quinn pointed out).
I’m now currently on the train as I type this, and its almost sunset as we are traveling through what we think is translyvania. Its quite beautiful.
As we flew into Bucharest, I thought I was flying back into Wisconsin. Quinn, my travel buddy, and I kept looking for cows, but unfortunately we didn’t see any. Quinn is also from Wisconsin. The first thing we did in Bucharest was buy a train ticket out of Bucharest. The second thing? MCDONALDS. Yes, we are that great of worldwide travelers. I wanted to try the ice cream at every McDonalds, but am quickly realizing (without disappointment) they are pretty similar in every country. This one had some crazy baby cones. After checking into our hostel, we accomplished the next most American thing possible to do. We went to H&M at the shopping mall we found. It was normal. Then we walked around the city, found a cute area to eat and went back. We took much needed showers, and Quinn went out again, I was exhausted both mentally and physically from my last few days in Istanbul. Today we walked more and more. I’m convinced we saw all of Bucharest in 24 hours. It was both cute and ugly. It had many green places which made it enjoyable, It also had some of the most disgusting buildings I’ve ever seen.
I also noticed guys love exposing their bellies. All the older men with pot bellies I’ve scene enjoy walking around with their shirts rolled up over them. The girls so far have worn incredibly short shorts/skirts (as Quinn pointed out).
I’m now currently on the train as I type this, and its almost sunset as we are traveling through what we think is translyvania. Its quite beautiful.
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