ask gun

Love day, as my title states. I was going to write Valentines day but I forgot how to spell it and since my internet is working rather slowly I decided to rename it. Celebrating the day of Love in another country was rather anti- climatic. I think I got the same questions I would have gotten in America, But Christy why dont you have a boyfriend? Dont you like turkish men? Ah yes, i answer them,I love turkish men however, havent found one good enough for me yet. But why Christy?
Where do I begin.
Instead lets just change the topic. On Thursday Mike came over and we talked with my roommates all night. We opened the nice italian wine Kristie bought us , and let me tell you, each one of us tasted a nice difference when we had some real italian wine again, I do miss that!

Our discussion that night turned into true love, do you believe it in. It was funny to see the reaction when Mike asked Betting and Bulent if they believed in true love, It was even cooler to describe and defend love and finding it and how to find it. It was also interesting to try and follow this discussion in Turkish. True love, Unlike Mike, i believe in it. I just don't see how you can't,maybe there is a certain religious factor that I have in my mind, but i'm pretty sure both bettina and bulent dont. (they obviously have the real thing)
It frustrates me that true love is something so materialized by movies. As this week of love was approaching I was thinking about love and cute things, and I realized my idea of love was very much due to movies, All the cute scenarios i thought of were from a movie, HOw real is that, Is that why so many marriages are ending in divorace , because we have this preconcieved notion of how love is suppose to be? Its suppose to be that fairy tale drama? I dont think so. thankfully I've had enough people around me not in movies who love each other that have guided my thoughts in a different direction.

It's the morning I'm a morning person. I'm drinking coffee so obviously my post is going to be all over the place as this is primetime for my thinking. I'm going to completely abandon that topic and start a new one.

I got a lot of emails from people back home this week. Each one put a smile across my face, then however, they collectively made me really sad. I missed home, I missed being around those who make me laugh and inspire me. I started thinking about my last four months here, they seem pretty short, and I'm sure they will fly by. thanksfully in my bit of homesickness, istanbul did it again and made me fall in love with this city again, so I'm fine now :)
But back to my thoughts on home. I am very proud of my friends in Minneapolis or i guess my friends from Minneapolis. They are passionate and driven. They have hearts that are full of caring for others and making the world a better place. Despite the economic woes, they are pushing through finding new things and keeping themselves occupied. I am impressed. They are all very much the same people I left, and the ones it was difficult to leave b/c i knew that I had a great friend base. I was thinking this morning about returning to Minneapolis, yes it would be great. No I dont miss the winters, Yes I do miss the atmosphere. But one thing has kept returning in my mind. I wanted out of Minneapolis. I wanted out bad. Why did I want out, I wasnt happy, something was missing. I know I still havent found whatever I was looking for here, but it also scares me to put myself back in the situation where most likely I'll return back to my old lifestyle. It wasnt a bad lifestyle by any means but I hav eto think about why I left. I was in search of something. I think I've grown a lot this year. I dont want to see myself slip back and forget what I've gone through, even though i dont think its possible b/c my friends in Minneapolis were the ones who got me to do this in the first place.

Everyday I'm asked, When are you leaving? then what are you doing? When will I ever know what I'm doing and where I'm going where that question doesnt scare me anymore. I think that question has been asked since highschool...isnt about 7 years of complete unknowning long enough?