A sign

In the last few days reality has set in.. What am i doing with my life? Where am I going? and most importantly Why am I doing what I'm doing, and am I reaching the goals I've set for myself. I thought I had it all figured out, then I was chatting with one of the girls in my class asking questions about applying for jobs and she questioned my motives, the first one to do so, and it really shook me up. She did it in a way that just had me look at my life's options in a new light, rather than condescendly. She ever so nicely asked my why I wasnt planning on staying in Italy, I said I didnt feel like I fit, I havent found a place I want to call home. She reminded me I've only seen big tourist areas, which i realized also. Then she asked why I came here to begin with and that was for the language which i said was a dead end because I've spent so much time trying to learn my own native language. I havent accomplished my goals here, and i'm ready to move on. Is that what I'm suppose to do? Am I copping out, and taking the path that seems easier? I came home confused. I made a pro's and con's list, and I prayed. I figured that if I just applied everywhere God would take care of it right?

I've been struggling with that a lot the last few days and slowly talking myself back in to Istanbul. Then tonight something pretty ridiculous happened. I found a church I wanted to check out. It had its service at 630 at night and all of the sundays so far i've been busy at that time. I hoped that maybe God would help me out through the message or something. I get there, it looks like a crowd of a bunch of study abroad students. they start, the worship is alright. They had an awesome Italian gutiar player who graced us with a song in italian. then they said something about Mark shultz coming to play. The accent was hard to decipher so I figured they meant they were just going to play one of his songs. This guy comes up and starts talking about what he's doing in Florence, and about how he saw this church, came in asked if he could sing a few days ago, and here he was today. He pulls out a keyboard and talks about this song he wrote when he was a youth director. then sure enough he plays one of his songs. I saw the people in front of me exchange the same look of disbelief that was going through my mind. Mark Shultz just happens to come to Florence and ask ot play at this small English speaking church, on the one Sunday I am able to go. Wow, powerful. He led a few worship songs and I think that was my sign from God.

I'm still not one hundred percent on this, but the reason Istanbul got so so much attention from me is that I found a christian church there that seemed pretty awesome. That is one of my personal goals. To learn more about historical happening, and ephesus being so close I think I can accomplish that one. However, Rome definitely has some pull also. This is how i talk myself in circles.

Mostly it changes everyday. I'm a big bag of confusion, but I thought tonight was pretty cool. Now its off to apply to a few jobs, and finish proof reading.