Goodbyes

For the record I just spend 20 minutes trying to log onto this blog. That shows dedication right there....

My time is coming to a close. My mother, brother, and sister-in-law were here last week and it was great. I am happy to be able to share a bit of my last 8 months with someone from home. I am happy that they were so open minded and relaxed that it made the trip a lot more enjoyable for me at least. I think the best perk was they took all my stuff home so i only have a backpack to travel with! :)

I'm slowly saying all of my goodbyes. I had a friend tell me how cool it is to build "family" in different parts of the world. It has definitely been amazing getting to know the people here but how do you say goodbye when most likely you'll never see them again. I want to say, oh no problem i'll be back. But I feel like I'll be giving up a lot go come back and am not sure that is the best option. My students and my friends have really become my family here. When i have a problem, or a question, I bring it to my next class. They are genuinely very worried about me, which is what you need when you are living in a strange foreign place. I can't say the same treatment would happen in the USA which makes me sad to leave this place also.

Last night my girls class took me out for a "turkish dinner" We went to this area called "Kumkapi" where they have lines of restaurants, serving the same foods. You get meses, which are like appetizers (holly's favorite dish here) borek, fish,chicken or meat, fruit for desert and drinks. Then they fill this long dinner with dancing. I love these nights. As we were leaving the sounds of drums in every restaurant were echoing through the streets, Belly dancers on the tables outsides. Waiters dancing on chairs. Random groups of musicians serenading tables on the sidewalk. Its a wonderful sight and sound. Not to metion wonderful food!

One thing that was sad though, was that not all of my class could come because their fathers wanted them home. Two of the girls are my age. It was 7pm they had one hour before returning home. There family has even invited me to dinner b/c they talk about me so much, but they had one hour for dinner before being home on a saturday night. One of the other girls says to me, christy i am such a liar, I told my mother i was goign to my sisters house so i could come have dinner with you. She is 26.

It hurts me to see the lack of freedom these people have. They arent even trying to do anything crazy, but to have dinner with a bunch of girlfriends. I did hear the girl talkign to her mother in the car and she told her the truth, that she was going out to dinner b/c it was her teachers last day. I did hear her say yes, all girls many times and you can look on facebook to see the pictures.

Girls my age, will live like this until they get married when they will switch to thier husbands control. It made me realize how lucky I am. I have been given a freedom. It makes me feel bad that I fought my parents about curfews so much when i was younger because in reality i had it really good. I had a family that loved me, cared about me, and respected me enough to let me make my own decisions, To let me travel, to let me figure out my life, to let me become who I wanted to be. I think that was something very important that I have learned here. şanlıyım ve benım aılem benı sevıyor. I am lucky and my family loves me.

long walks and wrap ups

I had a little extra time today and decided it was time for a long walk to think. This used to be one of my favorite pasttimes and i think lately i've been so wrapped up in life that I've completely forgotten to take time to think. To process whats going on around me, and whats going on with me. This was a much needed walk. I like my life here, I'm not neccessarily excited for it to end but one thing I know is, its time to take a break and go home, Go home and really think about things. I am trusting that once again God will point me in a direction to go from there. Everyone keeps asking me what I'm doing, i can tell them what I think my plan is, but I assure them I'm not really sure what the future holds for me. I started thinking about those goals i had when I first got here, am I fulfilling them? I'm a planner and I think it was time to step back and see if what I'm doing, if what i think feels good right now, Is ultimately what was I had in mind. Am I doing things for the right reasons. I a big pro and con maker, and as much as it might annoy other people, I think it helps me. Right now I'm making those lists for everything. It's both good and bad.

closing time

About three months ago, I was really looking forward to going home. I was in that little rut some people get in when they don't know what they are doing with thier lives. Now with just under a month to my departure from Turkey my feelings have completely changed. I will miss life here, I think I was finally getting comfortbably and now I'm heading off again. Why does it seem like that keeps happening in my life.

On the other hand I was hanging out with Brandon yesterday because he is finished, and I realized that I actually am really excited to go home. I feel like I can properly relax at home. I will have TV! I will ride a bike, i wont worry about people not understanding me, I can speak as fast as i want. I don't have to worry about offending someone due to cultural differences. I will be back to a culutre that I (for the most part) understand. Thinking about that does get me excited about going home.

Bir ay sonra

One month left. This is incredibly bittersweet. I dont know how I feel about it. I am at my usual pondering/ get work done location: Starbucks, where I ordered in turkish. The guy did a double take and i think almost started laughing because he did not expect me to speak turkish. He understood me clearly, which should have been that hard since i was just ordering coffee, but i also realized how I'm still not taken seriously due to my light colored haird and blue eyes. I also think it has something to do with the fact that i'm probably dressed incredibly american today b/c it is my day off. I also felt a little bit of joy that he didnt ask me to repeat what I said b/e he understood me perfectly, I am starting to be able to have conversations. Its starting to click, with only one month left... I think its a really fun language and really interesting to listen to. I realized that i know most of the grammar but am missing vocabulary, which reading really helps. Good thing my teacher got me some childrens books to work on. That is what I spent the morning doing.

I played frisbee with Mike yesterday and realized how much i miss frisbee, or outside sports. It was fun, summer is good. There are also a lot of things I realized I would miss about turkey, My friends here have asked if I'm worried about entertaining or having my family visit. I said not really, i hope that they will fall in love with this country like I did the first time.

After traveling to the islands with my students last week, i realized that I have done more things in this country than the people who have lived here their entire lives. I understand not doing touristy things as in many of the cities I lived in, i havent gone to the popular locations, but I thought the islands were definitely a "turkish" thing to do. I started to get frustrated with teh fact that when I ask my students "what did you do last night/ weekend" their normal answer is I went to work, i went home, i watched tv. i went to sleep. Was really, in fact, all they did, all they ever do. They have no sense of adventure. Or maybe they do but have no chance to execute that excitement. When we were at the isalnds I started walking on the rocks (really big rocks, not a bit dangerous in my mine) and they FREAKED out. Teacher that is dangerous. WHere is your sense of excitment? A little bit of a thrill here and there. Go out one night without a plan and start walking. You eventually find something to do. I remember in college when I had no idea what to do at night, brittany and I would just start walking, we almost always eventually found something interesting to do, if not we at least got exercise and killed some time. That just doesnt happen here, especially when they think i'm crazy for walking anywhere.

The things they accept here are just ridiculous, but they dont know anything else. I see the value of education, most importantly good education. They know that they were poorly educated and it bugs me. DO something about it!

Mike and i were talking about the lack of determination here, it is something that really bothers us. We both really value determined/ driven people. We also realized that its a cultural thing. We have a lot of opportunities, thus we can be driven because everything is possible for us (except maybe finding a job right now!). They dont necessarily have all the advantages we have. i hate that they talk so badly about my country when I see all the benefits i got from it. Maybe they talk so badly because really they are jealous that they dont have what we have. For this case, i am very sensitive when we talk about that subject. I did tell them the other day that I was jealous that they were learning English and would be fluent in two languages as that is something we take for granted in the US. "oh everyone speaks english so i dont need to learn another language" they will be one step ahead of me, in that they can communicate with more people. They were pretty surprised about that. I am pretty happy i dont have to learn English b/c i think its a pretty difficult language.

Lastly, something else i wanted to touch on. Money. For the first time in my life i'm not worried about spending money, i am not thinking about every penny and how i cant go out with someone b/c i dont have the money. i never really wanted to be the person who had lots of it, but I definitely see the perks to having money. It really does change your experience. When i first came and was very concerned with saving, i didnt go out with the otehr teachers becasue it cost money, and thus lost out on some friendships. I was really lucky in the US to have people in the same financial setting as i was, but now i think about how my experience would change if i wasnt worried about shelling out a few extra dollars. It scares me to go back knowing i dont have a job and I'll find myself right back in the old position.."should i go out tonight? what about next month when i dont have a paycheck coming in" Life is good right now. and in one month it is about to change again, and I dont know how I feel about that.

Jealousy and protection

There may have been many posts on this topic but lately I've been experiencing the wrath of Turkish jealousy more and more. It is altogether facinating, annoying, comical, and a little pathetic. I do surround myself in a web of people if i'm feeling at all uncomfortable. The turks really want to "protect" those they love. When i have a problem, I can easily tell any of my students and they will freak out " what, who, where!" I think its nice to get their response but sometimes it a bit annoyiing, Christy you must be careful. I am not an idiot, i have lived in cities, and to be honest i think those cities have been more dangerous than turkish ones. HOwever, they think everything is dangerous. As i get to know the jealous turk more and more, i realize that their form of protection is against the jealous turk not the random mugger. My male students will ask me about my weekends plans. "Did you have a drink with a boy?, yes,teacher I am jealous" Ok, thanks for telling me that, its not going to change my plans from hanging out with other teachers! "teacher i can be your turkish teacher, no thanks I have a pretty good one, 'i am jealous'" Sometimes its cute but sometimes I think they have no right to tell me what i do, who i'm with, and to be super worried about me, but its just their culture.

We were at the islands together. I was climbing on some rocks (big rocks mind you) and they FREAKED OUT. Teacher noooooooo that is dangerous! i was standing near a ledge about 4 people grabbed me. Teacher this is too close. I wondered where their sense of excitement and curiousity was. Yes, I know sometimes i do pretty daring things, but this was me being very cautious. It amazes me how (for me) unexciting thier lives are, they dont do anything. Or cant do anything. ONe of the teachers and i have been talking about that lately. Our students who have to go straight home after class, and they are older than me. Its frustrating. Its frustrating that they dont have fun travel stories like I do. Its frustrating to have them judge me for staying in a 20lira hostel when they think i should stay in an expensive place becasue it might not be safe. hello, i save money this way, i'm smart i lock my things, AND i meet new people, hear new stories, learn about new cultures. Sometimes its frustrating to know how lucky I am and what they are missing out.

classic culture

I realized yesterday how little time I have left in Istanbul. A few months ago i thought my countdown wasnt enough, now I feel guilty for not packing my day full of activities and most importanly cups of tea, and great turkish cuisine. One thing that has been noticed in all my travels as well as commented on by many other travelers is the lack of food culture in the US. I think only little bit of "food culture" we have backyard barbeque, which is something I really miss. However, we dont have the tea coffee culture. they have special cups, speacial customs, Everyone participates, There are no orders like " one coffee hold the milk, add the sugar but not too much sugar, shake it three times, then i will enjoy" It's simple, tea, bitti, fishined finito. Food orders can not be changed, and we accept that. "You want more mushrooms? IMPOSSIBLE" I understand how people change the dish to make it more delicious for themselves, but its also kind of rude I think. I like the long dinners, the many courses, the everyone has a fork and you all eat out of one bowl, SOmething the germ concious Americans would never do. What is funny is that, we are germ concious in that no one will share a drink, yet here they are germ conscious as in "teacher you must not sit on that cement! You must not sit on the grass!!" It entertaining really, their deserts arent as sweet but still delicious, I was excited to eat lots of cakes and actually lose weight. Fun fact, my turkish teacher brought me a cake his grandmother made for me. It was delicious, He said he likes to do things like that for people that dont have the luxuary of grandma cooks. I love that. Its like in college in America.

ages

Well I know its been ages since I've been updating, but that should be a good sign right? I have found other things to do than dwell on the fact that I'm in a foreign culture scouring every coversation for something to think about. Now I feel like I've come to a point where the outrageous things I notice or experience arent much of a shock anymore. Yes, they still annoy me. Everytime I walk to work and someone intentionally runs into me, I think "I cant wait to leave this place, but then something happens which reminds me that they are people too, I probably have little cultural quirks that bug them also. Although I think being polite shouldnt be something that is difficult to adapt, but who am I to say....

I went to Bodrum last weekend for a mini holiday, It was great.I got away to a beach town but oddly felt at home because I could communicate and it was like a smaller version of Istanbul. I enjoyed relaxing and having nothing to do. I knew that had i been in Istanbul I would not have gotten the relaxation that the distance of Bodrum gave me. there is somethign about being away from a computer and being away from the everyday routines that provided me with a sense of freedom.

I think my last two months will fly by. I am planning my post Istanbul travels and its a little stressful. I love that I'm living in the middle of the world and virtually any destination is a possibility.