This week my mind has been buzzing with my options of where to go. I had these extravagant plans made and realized I dont really have as much time as these would take. I said i had two weeks and i was naming like 5 cities and Bettinga kept saying christy you only have two weeks. Then I realized that i only have a little over one week. This is getting more difficult but also easier b/c i wont have to travel so much on my own. I think i'll end up in italy for some of it so i can see friend and do something with them. My origninal goal for the year was to get to two new countries. However, I may only hit one. I am kinda bummed about that, we will see how my end travel plans end up. I also think to discover a new country (for me) it is easier and more interesting to do it with someone else. For that reason I dont think i'm that upset.
I booked a trip to Bodrum for May 1st, A beautiful beach town where it seems most of turkey spends their summer. I have a travel buddy! Kim who has the same days off as me and I are going together. I'm pretty excited for some beach laying.
Aside from travel plans, I'm looking forward to going home. From today I have two months left on my contract (the 21 and 22 are my days off so i think i'll be done with my contract early) That is pretty exciting. I subbed for a class yesterday and when I was talking with them, they stopped and said "Christy we enjoy you here b/c you speak very clearly and slowing." then they proceeded to thank me profusing for coming in. that was really nice, I will miss that about turkish students. I enjoyed going into that class to see how other teachers do things. I got some new ideas, and i was very jealous b/c it seems like her class is more well behaved, something I'm trying to work on for my classes. I dont understand why all of my classes, speak loads of turkish in class, and other teachers seem to not have a problem with it. That is my only frustration with my classes right now.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
bilmiyorum
Everytime I try to post on here, I get as far as "title" then either get sidetracked or realize I have nothing to post about. Normally, I don't even get that far because my internet is so unreliable that I normally can even access it. The title "bilmiyorum" means I don't know. Story of my life right? Lately I've been working really hard not to let future plans dictate how I live my life now. During my turkish lesson yesterday, my teacher was having me practice using future tense and asked me about what I'm doing this summer. I looked at him, and said "bilmiyorum" He laughed and said "you are finally Turkish" We turks never know what is going to happen in the future, we live life day to day. We don't plan ahead." I was relieved that he didnt think low of me because I had no plans like most people in the US would, but it didnt make me feel any better. I told him I was a planner and this was driving me crazy.
I've been doing pretty good at not getting stressed out about it, but now I started realizing that many of my friends dont have jobs in the US, or are barely makeing it from paycheck to paycheck. They are very bright people, why can't they get jobs. I think about everyone going throught the same thing I am. I always seem underqualified for every job posting yet, I know I'm way more qualified than lots of people. I think what scares me is I dont know if its something I would want to do. I look at one city, it looks ok, but then i ask myself, is that where i'm suppose to be? Sometimes I wish God would just write me a letter or something and say "Hey Christy, go here" And i would say ok God, thanks for the letter, I would be happy to go there, Life isn't that easy, but I can't really imagine what life must be like for those who don't have faith. I at least trust that God will open a door for me, I've been pretty lucky with that throughout my life, but what about those who dont have the trust that I have? How do they do it?
I was pretty sure that my teaching stunt was not going to be a permanent career, I'm just not that passionate about it. It has been fun, and I could continue for a bit, but its nothing to crazy awesome (maybe that would just be my lack of resources at my office) However, last week on two seperate occassions I had students pull me aside and say 1.) "Christy I've been to 5 different language schools and never found one i liked, but I like it here. (I asked why) He said, I actually learn from you, it all makes sense now, and I'm not nervous to talk and make mistakes in front of you. You make learning fun" Then number 2)(high school student) "Christy I took exams last week and I got ___ on my English test. Christy, i've never done that well on an exam before, I was so happy. I am so happy that you are my teacher, I have learned a lot from you.I dont learn anything from my other English teachers. Thank you"
I guess I am making an impact. That makes me feel a lot better about what I'm doing. Sometimes we just feel like entertainers at our job because if we dont do that, the students hate us, and we get in trouble. Most of the job is entertaining, which luckily I'm pretty good at, i was afraid that I was useless as a teacher but I've seen improvement which makes a big difference.
This doesn't make me feel any better about my future, but I do know that I'm changing lives and that I can live with for now.
I've been doing pretty good at not getting stressed out about it, but now I started realizing that many of my friends dont have jobs in the US, or are barely makeing it from paycheck to paycheck. They are very bright people, why can't they get jobs. I think about everyone going throught the same thing I am. I always seem underqualified for every job posting yet, I know I'm way more qualified than lots of people. I think what scares me is I dont know if its something I would want to do. I look at one city, it looks ok, but then i ask myself, is that where i'm suppose to be? Sometimes I wish God would just write me a letter or something and say "Hey Christy, go here" And i would say ok God, thanks for the letter, I would be happy to go there, Life isn't that easy, but I can't really imagine what life must be like for those who don't have faith. I at least trust that God will open a door for me, I've been pretty lucky with that throughout my life, but what about those who dont have the trust that I have? How do they do it?
I was pretty sure that my teaching stunt was not going to be a permanent career, I'm just not that passionate about it. It has been fun, and I could continue for a bit, but its nothing to crazy awesome (maybe that would just be my lack of resources at my office) However, last week on two seperate occassions I had students pull me aside and say 1.) "Christy I've been to 5 different language schools and never found one i liked, but I like it here. (I asked why) He said, I actually learn from you, it all makes sense now, and I'm not nervous to talk and make mistakes in front of you. You make learning fun" Then number 2)(high school student) "Christy I took exams last week and I got ___ on my English test. Christy, i've never done that well on an exam before, I was so happy. I am so happy that you are my teacher, I have learned a lot from you.I dont learn anything from my other English teachers. Thank you"
I guess I am making an impact. That makes me feel a lot better about what I'm doing. Sometimes we just feel like entertainers at our job because if we dont do that, the students hate us, and we get in trouble. Most of the job is entertaining, which luckily I'm pretty good at, i was afraid that I was useless as a teacher but I've seen improvement which makes a big difference.
This doesn't make me feel any better about my future, but I do know that I'm changing lives and that I can live with for now.
Monday, March 28, 2011
lifestyles
I've heard a lot of stories the last week that have had my mind a turning. Most out of respect, will not be referenced. I did have a big blog planned. Thoughts have been going through my mind like crazy lately, but nothing seems important enough to write right now. I have 3 months left. I am getting ready to go home. I need people around me that understand me and love me for the way I think and act. I have started hanging out with the teacher group that I so badly didnt want to be associated with at the being of my time here. However, i realized that maybe, there is a reason they all stick together. There are a lot of messed up people out there, there are alot of beliefs out there that are just plain wrong. I love the need to tell me how horrible America is, daily, but yet wear clothes that come from America and have a Coca Cola in your hand. Does that seem fair to you? Tell me how much you hate my country yet, cherish the products that come from it? I once had that same hatred for America, i think thats why I wanted out so badly. Now i'm seeing that despite how bad America can be, no one is perfect. America has for the most part been really good to me. I have advantages that others don't have. I think the teachers that have been doing this for awhile realize that "having all turkish friends" kinda sucks. I think that's what Bettina hinted at too when i first moved here. the majority of her friends were international.
I think the view of relationships, whether that be friends or more than friends is very scewed, although I love learning about it, really frustrates me.
Maybe i'll come back to touch on all the other things that have been on my mind, but right now my computer is going to die so I need to go find a power source.
I think the view of relationships, whether that be friends or more than friends is very scewed, although I love learning about it, really frustrates me.
Maybe i'll come back to touch on all the other things that have been on my mind, but right now my computer is going to die so I need to go find a power source.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Manners
A month or two ago I went to meet the friend I stayed with when I first got here, He was seeing his friend who has been studying in America and thought I would enjoy meeting him too. I remember askign him about differences good and bad in the US. One thing that he said fairly early on was how polite people in America are. I sat for a minute a little dumbfounded, then realized how true he was. All the examples of lack of manners in Turkey were flashing through my head at this point. Today in particular that discussion came to mind. I went for a walk because it is a beautiful day and I don't have class until night. I was walking through the park near my house. It was pretty desolate, I brought a book and thought I would read outside for a bit. I pick a nice spot. (there were at least 20 benches to choose from in this area, as i was the only one around) about one minute after I sat down a lady made a comment about the sun and from my understanding I believe she was asking to share the bench. Ok i think, then it was odd to me, there are literally 20 benches, why was mine special. No problem. maybe i could practice my turkish with her eventually. Promptly as she sits down she pulls out her phone and starts yelling on it. Very difficult to read when there is turkish yellign on on next to me. Ok maybe this will be a short conversation, i mean really, who sits down on the ONLY occupied bench in the park where a person is reading and then proceeds to make loud obnoxious phone calls. Nope i sat there for like 5 minutes making it through about 2 pages of my book and decide to leave. As i walk away I hit the next bench and already there the yellign is quiet, at least quiet enough to read. REALLY WHY DISTURB ME?!!?
That was one example, another one, in my class my students phones ring all the time, (there is no such thing as putting your phone on silent of vibrate in this country) I'm used to that by now, but what amazes me is that some students ANSWER their phones in my class and proceed to have a conversation while I'm teaching. really, take it outside.
Another example: shopping, normally when you are going to pay for something you go to the back of the line and wait your turn. THere has been countless situtions where I'm about to pay and a girl walks up throws her stuff on teh counter and holds out money, clearing no caring that there is such thing as a line, or heaven forbid some sort of order. Now this practice is framiliar to me as I think we do it in America. Bars. If the bar is crowded, you know that first you send up the prettiest looking girl (if its a male bartender) you push your way no matter who is waiting, you shove your money - defintely big bills as they think they will get a big tip then in their face and wait to get drinks for the group.
Somethings are starting to bug me. I love this city and country, but I'm tired of being the foreigner, getting ripped off all the time, saying two words in turkish and all of sudden they are impressed, but still try to rip me off. Still loving life here regardless of the frustrations cause lets be honest these come with every country, every city and every nationality. Its apart of adjusting.
That was one example, another one, in my class my students phones ring all the time, (there is no such thing as putting your phone on silent of vibrate in this country) I'm used to that by now, but what amazes me is that some students ANSWER their phones in my class and proceed to have a conversation while I'm teaching. really, take it outside.
Another example: shopping, normally when you are going to pay for something you go to the back of the line and wait your turn. THere has been countless situtions where I'm about to pay and a girl walks up throws her stuff on teh counter and holds out money, clearing no caring that there is such thing as a line, or heaven forbid some sort of order. Now this practice is framiliar to me as I think we do it in America. Bars. If the bar is crowded, you know that first you send up the prettiest looking girl (if its a male bartender) you push your way no matter who is waiting, you shove your money - defintely big bills as they think they will get a big tip then in their face and wait to get drinks for the group.
Somethings are starting to bug me. I love this city and country, but I'm tired of being the foreigner, getting ripped off all the time, saying two words in turkish and all of sudden they are impressed, but still try to rip me off. Still loving life here regardless of the frustrations cause lets be honest these come with every country, every city and every nationality. Its apart of adjusting.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sitcom influenced discussions.
I have really enjoyed teaching higher levels lately because we can have some really interesting discussions. My favorite is my morning class on the weekends (yeah I'm really lucky to have a good class when you have to work saturday and sunday morning!). I try to do about 1.5 to 2 hours of speaking or speaking related activities in our 4 hour class. At this level thats what they need most. It was the last hour of my saturday class, and I asked one of the teachers to give me a topic to talk about. One said to talk about lying and a world without lies, why we lie, who we lie to etc.
Part way through my conversation i realized we talked about this a little last week so I had better switch it around. And somehow we got to telling lies to loved ones, which then led to what is love. Wow, that was a shocking conversation. Basically what it came to was "christy, there are two types of girls. Ones that we can marry and ones for entertainment." I asked if they had both at the same time. Many responded yes, some responded, no b/c of our religion.
I also asked, could you marry someone you werent attracted too. One said, "well yes, if you are married to someone, its very important that your personalities match, not so much physical attraction. But I couldnt date someone who i wasnt attracted to, you date the attractive ones." Now I was confused and getting excited cause i knew i had a good topic brewing. Many started arguing this point but mostly all came to the same conclusion. So then I asked. Why do you date? Whats the point. "we are bored, we want something to do." Doesnt it lead to marriage? "No, christy, maybe sometimes, if you are dating for many years, then you get married, you just decide, ok we will get married" I had one boy tell me, that he doesnt believe in love becasue girls always change their mind after two weeks. I said TWO WEEKS... that isnt love. Yes christy is it, he says. They just decided they dont want to date you anymore. There cant be anything as real true love, now at this time many other students were chiming in.. and basically stating that if you date someone you are in love. He said everyone eventually breaks up, now that one surprised me as this was coming from a pretty muslim viewed student. Really? cause I dont hear about the divorce rate among muslims to be pretty high. I even asked the lawyers that were in the class to confirm this for me. Then he asks me do you know anyone in love. I said yes. He says" oh thats not love. they'll just break up sometime" I smiled and said, well I dont think so, because i think they have a different kind of love then what you are talking about.
I probably have forgotten a few other surprising viewpoints, and probably could have dug deeper but class ended.
Side note, while I was asking the teacher for speaking topics we were talking about how Turks LOVE the tv show "how i met your mother" and "Sparticus" Discussions always comeback to something that happend in how i met your mother, and in that love discussion, when I said "isnt the point of dating to get married?" One girl answered "christy, its like Ted in How i Met your Mother, he is always trying to marry a girl." At that moment I burst out laughing, apologized and told her i was laughing cause we were just talking in the teachers room about that show, and how it comes up in every discussion. then the next day it came up in my discussion again!
The next day we had a discussion about swearing. Despite all the interesting views of the Turks, there is a sacredness of women that I really value. Yes maybe some call it oppression here, but in many respects I really enjoy it. For example, men have a lot better language around women, there are many things they wont say. I asked them why that was, and about 3 boys said "becasue women are beautiful, and they dont need to hear that"
Women dont play sports, yes they exercise, they can play volleyball and tennis, but not other sports. It takes away their feminity I think. One thing I hate is the competition that men give women in America. "you cant do that you are a woman, I'm better than you because I'm a man." They take away our feminity in America because they constantly degrade us.(yes i know a lot of people fight for that equality also...just to recognize the otherside of the issue) I think I was a tom boy growing up because I wanted to be accepted so badly. Up until I left i was always doing things that would probably shock people here because women don't do that. I think my sarcasm was really strong when I was in America, because it helped me be tough, I didn't want to be walked all over, that was a sign of weakness. Weakness is something not tolerated in America. Men call women fat here, and it doesnt bother them. Men don't call women fat in America, yet its going through every womans mind "does he think i'm fat, does she?" We have a problem with self image and self esteem, My students wouldn't believe me when I was explaining those taboo's to them.
Interesting.
I've learned a lot, tomorrow is three months away from the end of my contract, and I think I still have a lot to learn about myself, and who and what I want to be, I do think God broght me here to learn these things so far.
Part way through my conversation i realized we talked about this a little last week so I had better switch it around. And somehow we got to telling lies to loved ones, which then led to what is love. Wow, that was a shocking conversation. Basically what it came to was "christy, there are two types of girls. Ones that we can marry and ones for entertainment." I asked if they had both at the same time. Many responded yes, some responded, no b/c of our religion.
I also asked, could you marry someone you werent attracted too. One said, "well yes, if you are married to someone, its very important that your personalities match, not so much physical attraction. But I couldnt date someone who i wasnt attracted to, you date the attractive ones." Now I was confused and getting excited cause i knew i had a good topic brewing. Many started arguing this point but mostly all came to the same conclusion. So then I asked. Why do you date? Whats the point. "we are bored, we want something to do." Doesnt it lead to marriage? "No, christy, maybe sometimes, if you are dating for many years, then you get married, you just decide, ok we will get married" I had one boy tell me, that he doesnt believe in love becasue girls always change their mind after two weeks. I said TWO WEEKS... that isnt love. Yes christy is it, he says. They just decided they dont want to date you anymore. There cant be anything as real true love, now at this time many other students were chiming in.. and basically stating that if you date someone you are in love. He said everyone eventually breaks up, now that one surprised me as this was coming from a pretty muslim viewed student. Really? cause I dont hear about the divorce rate among muslims to be pretty high. I even asked the lawyers that were in the class to confirm this for me. Then he asks me do you know anyone in love. I said yes. He says" oh thats not love. they'll just break up sometime" I smiled and said, well I dont think so, because i think they have a different kind of love then what you are talking about.
I probably have forgotten a few other surprising viewpoints, and probably could have dug deeper but class ended.
Side note, while I was asking the teacher for speaking topics we were talking about how Turks LOVE the tv show "how i met your mother" and "Sparticus" Discussions always comeback to something that happend in how i met your mother, and in that love discussion, when I said "isnt the point of dating to get married?" One girl answered "christy, its like Ted in How i Met your Mother, he is always trying to marry a girl." At that moment I burst out laughing, apologized and told her i was laughing cause we were just talking in the teachers room about that show, and how it comes up in every discussion. then the next day it came up in my discussion again!
The next day we had a discussion about swearing. Despite all the interesting views of the Turks, there is a sacredness of women that I really value. Yes maybe some call it oppression here, but in many respects I really enjoy it. For example, men have a lot better language around women, there are many things they wont say. I asked them why that was, and about 3 boys said "becasue women are beautiful, and they dont need to hear that"
Women dont play sports, yes they exercise, they can play volleyball and tennis, but not other sports. It takes away their feminity I think. One thing I hate is the competition that men give women in America. "you cant do that you are a woman, I'm better than you because I'm a man." They take away our feminity in America because they constantly degrade us.(yes i know a lot of people fight for that equality also...just to recognize the otherside of the issue) I think I was a tom boy growing up because I wanted to be accepted so badly. Up until I left i was always doing things that would probably shock people here because women don't do that. I think my sarcasm was really strong when I was in America, because it helped me be tough, I didn't want to be walked all over, that was a sign of weakness. Weakness is something not tolerated in America. Men call women fat here, and it doesnt bother them. Men don't call women fat in America, yet its going through every womans mind "does he think i'm fat, does she?" We have a problem with self image and self esteem, My students wouldn't believe me when I was explaining those taboo's to them.
Interesting.
I've learned a lot, tomorrow is three months away from the end of my contract, and I think I still have a lot to learn about myself, and who and what I want to be, I do think God broght me here to learn these things so far.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
skyscrapers
For some reason lately I've really been missing the feeling of walking next to and along skyscrapers. Maybe its the feeling of something bigger taking control, or knowing that I'm so small in a world that is so big and magnificient, but anyways, I missed it. Istanbul does have skyscrapers, dont you worry (a city of 20 million would be next to impossible to function without some sort of corporate structure) Knowing this I took the metro on my day off to this area and walked around, It made me feel a little better, but the problem with thier skyscrapers is that they are very spread out. There is like one per block. So i barely got the feeling of being small.
The weather has been beautiful here, I would love to only wear a tank top but all the Turks are wearing winter jackets still. How weird am I to think this weather is hot?
On my second day off I decided I wanted to take a long walk, I went to where one of my students works b/c she has been upset with me for not visiting. I found her shop with no problems and she was very excited to see me. We talked, she showed me around, she took me to all of her friends stores. Showered me with gifts that I dont need (minus the sunglasses which I was going to buy that day anyways) bought me lunch, her boss offered me a job and couldnt understand why I didnt want to work on my days off from teaching "but christy, its not "work" here, you can relax and talk to people. Me"but i have to wake up and come, i'm not here to work myself to death"
I do like the Turkish work style. She was able to just leave for a couple hours to walk me around. That is something that would NEVER happen in America, you would either be fired, docked pay, or reprimanded, for just leaving for a few hours.
My student then paid for my bus on our way home, something that i've noticed is common, she was mad that I would suggest paying. Why is our culture so different. Everyone fend for themselves, no treating of guests differently. This is something I really admire about the turks, not only b/c i love being treated like a princess, but because I really agree with it. It has been very difficult for me to understand and to accept but to get used to. Another thing I am very jealous of and have talked to many Ex pats about, is tea culture. Everywhere you go, you sit and enjoy a tea with someone, no problem. You dont want a tea? oh thats almost not accepted, want to talk? have a tea. want to shop? have a tea. want to catch up ? lets have a tea. busy? lets have a tea. Its good. Needless to say after that crazy day, skyscrapers felt distant. I think this city / culture is amazing. I will eventually get my fill of skyscrapers, It can wait 3.5 more months.
The weather has been beautiful here, I would love to only wear a tank top but all the Turks are wearing winter jackets still. How weird am I to think this weather is hot?
On my second day off I decided I wanted to take a long walk, I went to where one of my students works b/c she has been upset with me for not visiting. I found her shop with no problems and she was very excited to see me. We talked, she showed me around, she took me to all of her friends stores. Showered me with gifts that I dont need (minus the sunglasses which I was going to buy that day anyways) bought me lunch, her boss offered me a job and couldnt understand why I didnt want to work on my days off from teaching "but christy, its not "work" here, you can relax and talk to people. Me"but i have to wake up and come, i'm not here to work myself to death"
I do like the Turkish work style. She was able to just leave for a couple hours to walk me around. That is something that would NEVER happen in America, you would either be fired, docked pay, or reprimanded, for just leaving for a few hours.
My student then paid for my bus on our way home, something that i've noticed is common, she was mad that I would suggest paying. Why is our culture so different. Everyone fend for themselves, no treating of guests differently. This is something I really admire about the turks, not only b/c i love being treated like a princess, but because I really agree with it. It has been very difficult for me to understand and to accept but to get used to. Another thing I am very jealous of and have talked to many Ex pats about, is tea culture. Everywhere you go, you sit and enjoy a tea with someone, no problem. You dont want a tea? oh thats almost not accepted, want to talk? have a tea. want to shop? have a tea. want to catch up ? lets have a tea. busy? lets have a tea. Its good. Needless to say after that crazy day, skyscrapers felt distant. I think this city / culture is amazing. I will eventually get my fill of skyscrapers, It can wait 3.5 more months.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Şanslı
Şanslı means Luck, My students love to tell me that when I win at foosball its only because today "teacher you are lucky," Yesterday I came across an article that said American clothing appearal stores were taking over a very popular shopping street in France. American stores, were running a France street? Isn't France known for its fashion? I began to think about other things that have originated in America. The whole movie industry, a large part of the music industry. Then i thought of all the products I see and their origin, America, America, America. We have it all. If we have it all, why did I leave thinking there was nothing for me? I am one step ahead of everyone else in the world, "American citizenship" I realized early on this year, that I was privildged to have English as my native language. But now I realized not only do I speak the language but I have all the major companies in the world in my country, near my family, in a society where I understand how to get things done. I am lucky. I literally can do anything, The American Dream. Sometimes I think that it doesnt exist, but then i think about times like now, where I realized, we have everything, and I left thinking I had nothing. I am lucky.
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