welfare

I had a lower level student ask me about food stamps and what they were yesterday. I explained or attempted to explaın our welfare system. Thıs ıs a complete foreıgn ıdea to turks because for them ıf they are poor they lean on theır famıly. the ıdea of an ındıvıdualıst socıety ıs very dıffıcult for them to understand. That theory hıt home wıth me yesterday as for the fırst tıme ı serıously contemplated baılıng and comıng home. I was worrıed about what ı would do and what people would thınk of me. I dıd realıze that no matter how much our socıety ıs based on beıng ındıvıduals we do have a sense of famıly and communıty and no matter what you are supported ın all your decısıons. I thınk that here they dont have that. You cant make crazy decısıons and be supported by your famıly. You cant even make decısıons that may conflıct your famılıes ıdeas. That ıs what ıs so great about our western culture.

New address

Hello faithful followers.
I will have mail sent to my school again. Here is the address. This is a bit differnet maybe now it wont get lost as much? I am also trying to befriend the office staff so they wont hide my mail in spite of me being a teacher. It is as follows:

English Time
Christy Corso
İstiklal Caddesi
Örs Turistik İş Merkezi No:151
Taksim / Beyoğlu, İstanbul 34300
TURKEY

I know I havent written much lately, but its because nothign spectaculare has been happening. I guess the biggest stuff in my life is hearing about all the drama going on back home. I often think "america has it all together" but when I talk to the people i know in America it seems like thier lives are incredibly stressful and depressing. I am sad i'm not there to be there for people who need it but, maybe that depressing section is out of my life right now, and that is a positive in my mind. I know the moment i come back I will be bombarded with questions about my future, what are you doing, why are you doing it. Dont you have a plan? All those questions present loads of stress. Yes those same questions are asked here but i feel like they arent asked with such a condescending town. "

Side note: Despite the fact that women's rights are pretty different here there are some perks to having men protect us in this culture. I'm sitting at starbucks and some creep starting talking to the girl behind me, from the moment he approached i saw all 3 male employees have an eye on him. they let it last for about 1 full minute and realized it was not wanted conversation and they quickly escorted him out. There is no messing around when it comes to making sure women are comfortable, which is always reassuring! (dad you can rest easy )

on the horizon

After contemplating taking the next flight out of Istanbul, my luck started to change. I think i had finally hit rockMy bottom. I am finally getting settled into what i hope will be permanent housing. I now live with two Turkish girls and a puppy. This puppy was the problem. The day i paid rent they decided to get a puppy, Our apartment is extremely small so I didnt agree that this was the best place to keep a dog. It has started to get better. The girl is doing a good job of taking care of it and is being very respectful. I think that is all i can ask for in this situation.

Job: i've been interviewing at other jobs, but i also have been weighing the pro's and cons . I really want to only be here for 6months and this is the only job that will offer that option. I am on good terms so far with the frustrating head teacher so I assume if she has no reason to hate me, I can go about my job peacefully. Also yesterday at the end of my class, i had three students come up to me and thank me for what i do. they said it was really useful and they were happy i was their teacher. that really changed my mind about jumping ship too. This branch is near failure. I don't have the heart to leave my students that are tryign to learn English. Its not their fault that the management is terrible. They have done nothing wrong to me.

I have been thinking lately a lot of about the captivity that my students and friends are in. they live in a world that is so different than mine. Its frustrating to see. I guess i'll touch on that more in later posts. But now I'm hungry..

second time

I have always tried avoiding doing things a second time due to the fact that its never as good as the first. You hold expectations and you are frustrated when they dont meet your marks. One of my biggest fears about coming back was that this scenario would become true. Things at my school are absolutely madness right now. I have to decide whether i'm going to stick around for 6 months of ridiculousness or bail. I thought last year, English time was about as crazy as it was going to get since apparently it used to be a pretty bad school and we were going throught some transition. However, I was wrong and after the crazy new procedures they are introducing my first thought was to jump ship. It all reality it looks like the majority of the teachers are either sticking out to the end, or also looking for an opening to get out. The sad part is I really like my classes. Granted its only two classes so far and I'm bound to have some bad apples in the bunch, but I like the students. This time around hasnt been the smooth sailing adventure as I thought it was going to be. It has definitely presented a lot of struggles and its only the beginning. However dear readers, it does not mean i hate being here because that is not true, I am still very satisfied with my decision to come back. Its just a little different than I expected.

outside living

Alright, I am semi settled in and feeling like I'm going to be uprooted fairly soon .. again. I have had a bit of a struggle trying to find housing. Nothing is cheap becasue they LOVE to scam foreigners. And the housing i did find, despites its awesomeness I think it will be straining on my eventually since its farther and more expensive. I have had a good welcoming back to Istanbul. I stayed with two friends when i got back who were both very welcoming. The other teachers that were still here were very excited to see me and made me feel at home, which was nice, it even felt that I was more appreciated now than when i left. Hmm interesting!

This past weekend I taught one class, which was good. I enjoyed being back and having something to do. My students were great, the management was of course chaos as usual. Oh its good to be back. I had to get my apartment keys copied yesterday and in the process of asking for directions the man looked at me confused and says "hold on i will call" He then tells me we must wait 5 minutes. we have a very awkward conversation becasue i am pretty rusty on my turkish and he offers me tea, a custom I am very fond of. Then he gest a call and says "ok we can go" He takes me one bock ot the key maker and sits and watches him make the key. Yep he left his shop to come with me (a shop that i couldnt quite figure out how it functions. its looked like old faucets but literally was the size of my closet back at home. Anyways. turkish work ethic. Gotta love it. this whole time i was slightly giggling to myself at the ridiculousness of it all and was happy to be back. Turkey has many quirks. Some are very hard to get used to and some are just plain comical. Anyways, so far its been a good adventure.

Infidel

I'm currently trying to finish a book about a Muslim women seeking refugee in Holland. I had heard many stories in the past year about Muslim traditions and views on different cultural aspects. This book has illustrated some of the most grotesque traditions. This morning I read two paragraphs that particularly sparked my interest. First, She is talking about the Holland government.
" Government was very present in this country. It could be bureaucratic, sometimes stupidly complex, but it also seemed very beneficial. I wanted to know how you do that. This was an infidel country, whose way of life we Muslims were supposed to oppose and reject. Why was it, then, so much better run, better led, and made for such better lives than the places we came from? Shouldn't the places where Allah was worshiped and His laws obeyed have been at peace and wealthy, and the unbelievers' countries ignorant, poor, and at war?"

I spent hours defending my country in Turkey this past year. Most people who know me, know that I love to argue, I came to a point in Turkey were I just sat patiently, let them make ridiculous claims about my country and then continue on with my discussion. It is so ingrained in the country that they are the best, and that other countries are so crazy that we could never ever be doing something correct. I understand some of their claims, of course because many times i dont agree with my government either, but my country isn't fighting its own people. It is functioning. One of the things I missed most about living in America was the fact that it functions. Communication works. Things get done, granted while i'm here i never thing that these things are the pro's of our society but living and working in a different culture has definitely led me to be thankful for that. The comment that in a country where Allah is worshiped should be better than a country in which Allah is not worshiped also made a smile creep upon my face. When my students asked me about Christianity in a genuinely inquisitive manner, i was shocked to learn that in school they arent even given the basics on other religions. It is taught that the Muslim way is the only way. there is no choice, there is no acknowledging that people in the rest of the world may believe something else. This was always frustrating to me. I need to know all the sides before i can make decisions for myself. How can these people choose to worship something or even do their daily activities without questioning anything? I wonder if their children are notoriously asking "why mom, why dad" Are they told to shut up and not ask questions? That would definitely explain the differences in Governments.

The second passage was about violence.

" I cycled home thinking, "This is why Somalia is having a civil war and Holland isn't" It was all there. People in Holland agree that violence is bad. they make a huge effort to teach their children to channel aggression and resolve their disputes verbally. They had analyzed conflict and set up institutions to regulate it. This was what it meant, to be citizens."
The Turkish temper was something that really got to me. They were always angry. A fist fight broke out due to a disagreement about a book. A fist fight! in class! My friends who when they were angry started yelling fits, instituted silent treatment to deal with anger. I asked several of my male students who had been in fist fights, all of them had. They thought i was asking a stupid question. There is so much political unrest in these countries, and in my opinion they look to blame other people because they don't want to realize that its the way they were brought up. They aren't capable to vocalize their opinions in a constructive manner. They most definitely can protest, but where does that get you. According to my students, no where.
Its funny to me to think about how many people hate me in Turkey because I'm American. They don't know that there is something out there. It's not their fault that their education system doesnt provide them with the tools and resources to make decisions for themselves or to scrutinize their culture. They are taught to follow a set of rules and never asked the question why. It all starts from the childhood question "why"

Return is near

Well I haven't updated this since I've been back. Since that time there have been many moments of freakouts and break downs that so frustratingly come with new life choices. I pondered about a zillion options for next year and finally came to rest on returning to Turkey. It was a difficult decision and what made it worse was making the rounds telling the people that I love that i was up and moving again. Seeing the hint of disappointment in their eyes was difficult but I knew that this is something that needed to happen.

The scariest part of leaving again is knowing I'm coming back. The feeling of the unknown can be the most rewarding, exciting and scariest feelings one can experience. I love that people say, "oh yeah, you are young you have nothing to lose, go travel go do fun things" but what am I missing out on by staying in one place? Am i missing out on great friendships that are easily attained by being available and in the same area code? Am I missing a career opportunity that is staring me in the face? I dont think so, not yet anyways which is why i'm leaving again. A friend told me that being put in one place could quite honestly be as lonely as traveling to a new place all alone. It's what you make of the situations and what you want to gain from each new life puzzle piece. To me, i think this is very true. Before I left abroad last year, i was lonely, i was no happy where I was despite the fact that I had lots of good friends and activities to attend to. It wasnt correct. Then when I would travel to a place and have no real friends, I, for some reason, didn't feel as alone. I think the adventure of everything kept me going. I hope going back to a semi framiliar place wont put me back in the same situation but will challenge me to continue growing into the person I want to become.