I made goals for myself when I came here. I knew something had to change as I wasnt happy where I was. I do think that my goals have been semi- worked at, but also some new things need to happen too.
My old goals were:
- relax, as i always felt stressed out in America, I think i can safely say that I feel relaxed here, my job is not stressful, my life is not overrun by appointments, The only thing that really frustrates me is the fact that none of my mail seems to make it here.
- get to know the culture. I think if you've read this blog at all you know i'm working on that one pretty well.
- Build relationships. This i'm doing and not doing, Relationship boundaries are different here and I'm tryign to figure out how to go about this one. I do love my roommates and they are people i've bonded with, as well as my students, outside of that I am frustarted, I think that basically has to do with a language barrier which i am working on.
- not to be money conscious. This was something that was always ruled my life in America, I wouldnt go do things b/c it cost money, but i foudn things to do for free. Here not the case. I can rarely find ANYTHING to do without paying for it. The most i've found is going for walks, or finding a nice turkish man to take me out and pay for me, which is not something I want to continue.
- Focus on seeing the world,and all the historical things this area has to offer. I went to Cappadoccia, that was a big step, and a major cross of the things to do before I die, but the fact that i work 6 days a week may prevent me from reaching this one to its fullest potential.
- Learn the language- finally i'm moving somewhere on this one. i have a private teacher working on my turkish and I'm happy with where it is going.
Now on to new things, this may or may not be turkish related. I have realized that I need accountability. That was most definitely something I hated growing up which made me get out so far away, but since then I feel like I've had a good group of friends whereever I am to look after me, to ask me the hard questions I need to hear.
HOwever here, I dont have a strong group of friends. People here could care less what i was doing or where I was going, This isnt good for me, Knowing that even my friends back home still care what I'm doing helps and maybe i need to assign some people to question me. NOt that i'm doing anything wrong (mom and dad who i know are reading this) Its just something that I think needs to change in my life so that I can continue to be happy here.
next goal, figuring out what's next. I know I really want to work in an international setting. NO idea what, but I have decided I like knowing that I'm making good money and not worring about dipping into savings. I like that I can go shopping and not freak out about buying a new outfit. I also like dressing up for work. I know last year I loved waking up throwing on clothes no matter if they were clean or dirty and heading out the door. But there is a certian satisfaction that comes with looking presentable. I'm not going to lie I think my time in Italy and carrying over into my time in turkey, i'm finally turning into a "girl" Shocker, I Know. I like fashion, i like shopping, I like looking presentable and I feel better about myself. that is something I'm happy that has changed about me.
I know that I need to be in an intellectual setting, I enjoy listening to knowledable people speak as well as learning to be able to keep in conversation. One thing I enjoy talking about is books, I really appreciated my minneapolis friends who were avid readers, They made sure that I read to, which was always a passion of mine. (kept me accountable eh hm, bekah and amy's attempted book clubs)
Finally, i need to be around music, I like turkish music, i do, but I miss american indie music, I miss my gutair. it was a stress reliever, no matter how crappy I played, it always gave me a sense of peace inside. I liked going to bars and hearing crappy cover bands or even talking to cocky musicians who thought they were the next big thing. (actually no i hated them, but they were a given when it comes to the music scene)
Monday, January 10, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
two talks
I had two well I guess now that i think of it three really great talks today. My roommate made dinner for me and as we were sitting and talking she talked a lot about religious hatred in Turkey. We talked about the divisions of religion and about the different bombing and acts of hatred that have happened in turkey. It blows me away that people following a religion can hate each other so much. Shouldnt the basis of all religions be peace and love?
Then I went out with some other friend tonight and one of the guys that was there is currently studying in San Fransisco. He was telling me about what he noticed about American culture and sadly its the things that I've been noticing here too. For example, one of the first things we talked about was consumerism. he said he was blown away by the massive shopping centers, the costco's and targets everywhere. What was our need to buy so many things? Why is there so much competition? he also talked about the money on technology we spend IE the Iphone, quite honestly i told him i didnt understand it either, i didnt ahve an iphone but enough people i know had ones, and it is common to trade in your phone to get the next newest one all the time. I thought it was intereting that a few hours prior to this discussion, I had made my post about consumerism and the fact that in turkey its not really existent.
Then finally we talked about racism. He obviously looks like he is middle eastern and told me about hte comments people made towards him. Ozlem (my roommate) and i were talking about this earlier too. You look middle easten, yes, most likely you are muslim, but does that make you a terrorist ? NO. Ozlem asked me what i thought about muslims esp after 9/11 she was really heartfelt about what happened but in both of their responses, how can we hold every middle eastern looking person accountable. The guy i talked with tonight told me about the racist comments that were made towards him in San Fran. I was frustrated with my culture. I am frustrated that we hate everyone. There is sooooooo much racism still prevelent in our society. The blacks, the whites, the asians, the somalians, the mexicans. Why cant we look past that. For a country that has so many great minds, why must we have so many close minded people? It frustrates me to think about that. It frustrates me that i recieved comments like "why dont you teach people here how to speak english?" (when i was in america). Why do we have to be one of hte most intolerant places I have traveled to. I go out with people who try really hard to speak in English aroundme. WHy? Its thier country, i should be speaking Turkish. No they try super hard to accomodate me. BUt yet in american I hear very racist comments when someone is speaking Spanish or is even mispronouncing a word. When i go back to the US i think that will be something I really struggle with.
Then I went out with some other friend tonight and one of the guys that was there is currently studying in San Fransisco. He was telling me about what he noticed about American culture and sadly its the things that I've been noticing here too. For example, one of the first things we talked about was consumerism. he said he was blown away by the massive shopping centers, the costco's and targets everywhere. What was our need to buy so many things? Why is there so much competition? he also talked about the money on technology we spend IE the Iphone, quite honestly i told him i didnt understand it either, i didnt ahve an iphone but enough people i know had ones, and it is common to trade in your phone to get the next newest one all the time. I thought it was intereting that a few hours prior to this discussion, I had made my post about consumerism and the fact that in turkey its not really existent.
Then finally we talked about racism. He obviously looks like he is middle eastern and told me about hte comments people made towards him. Ozlem (my roommate) and i were talking about this earlier too. You look middle easten, yes, most likely you are muslim, but does that make you a terrorist ? NO. Ozlem asked me what i thought about muslims esp after 9/11 she was really heartfelt about what happened but in both of their responses, how can we hold every middle eastern looking person accountable. The guy i talked with tonight told me about the racist comments that were made towards him in San Fran. I was frustrated with my culture. I am frustrated that we hate everyone. There is sooooooo much racism still prevelent in our society. The blacks, the whites, the asians, the somalians, the mexicans. Why cant we look past that. For a country that has so many great minds, why must we have so many close minded people? It frustrates me to think about that. It frustrates me that i recieved comments like "why dont you teach people here how to speak english?" (when i was in america). Why do we have to be one of hte most intolerant places I have traveled to. I go out with people who try really hard to speak in English aroundme. WHy? Its thier country, i should be speaking Turkish. No they try super hard to accomodate me. BUt yet in american I hear very racist comments when someone is speaking Spanish or is even mispronouncing a word. When i go back to the US i think that will be something I really struggle with.
little to no
After a few visits to turkish friends houses and a talk with my turkish teacher today I realized one thing: Turkish people dont really have much. I was at my friends house, who are university students. I was looking around their apartment and there is nothing in it. The Tv was really old and had rabbit ears, when we were watching tv every station was really fuzzy. Like barely be albe to see the picture fuzzy and that was just normal for them. There house wasnt full of decorations or knick nacks. What is our fetish with knick knacks? I honestly believethat the amount of belongings I have here in turkey may surpass that which they own. That was hard for me to wrap my head around. all the things that I find so necessary to not live without, they probably dont own. The little treasures that I hold onto, dont exixt in these turkish households.
After my Turkish lesson I asked my teacher how his new job was going. He made teh comment that he works way less than at English time and make more money, He was like well only 100 more but much less money. I make 1,100 a month. ! He was working 45 + hours at english time making only 1000. He said it was about 4 lira an hour. THis was normal for Turkish people. THey are all salaried then expected to work a lot more. He pointed to the workers at the restaurant where were sitting and said they made even less. I thought about it. That was about my salary in Americorps, but we had a lot of perks, we didnt have families to raise, we knew that we just had to make it a year. This is life here. He said most people, unless they were engineers or doctors, would only make that much for thier life. That is probably why so many of hte people i talk to are engineer students. It is one of the few professions that makes money.
Obviously this is probably why Turkish houses dont havea lot, they never had a lot. their families didnt make money to randomly spend it so therefore they know they dont need it either. Makes me think about materialism around me. Also makes me think about the tourism industry and what they may think about those people buying loads of random things. Interesting.
After my Turkish lesson I asked my teacher how his new job was going. He made teh comment that he works way less than at English time and make more money, He was like well only 100 more but much less money. I make 1,100 a month. ! He was working 45 + hours at english time making only 1000. He said it was about 4 lira an hour. THis was normal for Turkish people. THey are all salaried then expected to work a lot more. He pointed to the workers at the restaurant where were sitting and said they made even less. I thought about it. That was about my salary in Americorps, but we had a lot of perks, we didnt have families to raise, we knew that we just had to make it a year. This is life here. He said most people, unless they were engineers or doctors, would only make that much for thier life. That is probably why so many of hte people i talk to are engineer students. It is one of the few professions that makes money.
Obviously this is probably why Turkish houses dont havea lot, they never had a lot. their families didnt make money to randomly spend it so therefore they know they dont need it either. Makes me think about materialism around me. Also makes me think about the tourism industry and what they may think about those people buying loads of random things. Interesting.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Outside city walls
I remember seeing the difference in lifestyles when I went to Cappadocia, I finally realized that Turkey is a poor country. As many people were telling me, Turkey doesnt want to admit it but, they are a 3rd world country. There are a few pictures i didnt post but of the ones i did, that was life there. Everything was rock and crumbling. Its a tourist destination, all i saw were hotels, yes the hotels were nice but what about the other people living there. Everythign was broken. there was rebar sticking out everywhere, it looked likea big construction site minus the fancy tools.
Houses with broken windows, I assume they are abandoned. Houses without roofs, i hope they are abandoned. Life with very little amenities. Do they hate that tourists are coming through on a daily basis snapping photos and riding in fancy coach buses? They love to take advantage of us. We are making their living, but does it bother them? I think it would bother me. It bothered me being a tourist in that situation.
I realized that a lot of villages were like this. When i ask my students where they are from they always tell me some small village. When talking to my roommate last night she was telling me that where you are from in Turkey is a big deal here. It is probably the second question you ask someone when you meet them.
I asked why? was there different ways of treating people when you tell them where you are from? She said many times yes, cause they have different values in each area.
I then wondered how my students came to Istanbul, or big city life. I know most of them are pretty well of, as English Time is known for its expensive tuition.
I think of all the modern day conveniences, we americans, take for granted. I am doing laundry right now, and one thing i really miss are american washing machines, complete with DRYERS! My clothes comign out nice and soft. The way things just work in America, but then I also love that people arent frustrated when teh electricity goes out. that is just common, or when the water isnt working for a while. thats just common. In America people would be yelling and complaining instead of just dealing with it. I guess i've just learned to deal with the fact that things might not work out, and so I'm able to be happy.
Houses with broken windows, I assume they are abandoned. Houses without roofs, i hope they are abandoned. Life with very little amenities. Do they hate that tourists are coming through on a daily basis snapping photos and riding in fancy coach buses? They love to take advantage of us. We are making their living, but does it bother them? I think it would bother me. It bothered me being a tourist in that situation.
I realized that a lot of villages were like this. When i ask my students where they are from they always tell me some small village. When talking to my roommate last night she was telling me that where you are from in Turkey is a big deal here. It is probably the second question you ask someone when you meet them.
I asked why? was there different ways of treating people when you tell them where you are from? She said many times yes, cause they have different values in each area.
I then wondered how my students came to Istanbul, or big city life. I know most of them are pretty well of, as English Time is known for its expensive tuition.
I think of all the modern day conveniences, we americans, take for granted. I am doing laundry right now, and one thing i really miss are american washing machines, complete with DRYERS! My clothes comign out nice and soft. The way things just work in America, but then I also love that people arent frustrated when teh electricity goes out. that is just common, or when the water isnt working for a while. thats just common. In America people would be yelling and complaining instead of just dealing with it. I guess i've just learned to deal with the fact that things might not work out, and so I'm able to be happy.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
A Historical Realization
I just got back from Cappadoccia. What a crazy place. First off, taking over night buses is not comfortable. I should think about sucking it up and flying.
The first day of my tour was interesting but the second day was when I was really blown away. The underground city was ridiculous. It amazed me what Early Christians went through, first off to carve out 8 floors of stone, multiple rooms and being able to survive there. The time and man power it must have taken to build those cities is ridiculous. They said there would be thousands of people who lived in these cities too. They could only cook once a every few days and only at night for fear of enemies looking for them. THey would hid underground for days, not in luxury but on rocks. The first thing that came to mind during this was the Flinstones. No joke everything was rock. It amazed me that people would actually find them, as it felt like we were out in the middle of nowhere. Beyond that, there were 36 underground cities found in Cappadocia. Understanding a bit more what early Christians went through was very interesting. I think i have hardships when people make comments to me about Christianity, but i dont have to hid my faith. Even living in a predominantly Muslim country, They dont really bother me about it, I also respect them enough to not go around boasting my religious views.
I find it intersting that a country with so much Christian history has little to few actual Christians in it. How did it completely turn around? How did the Muslim religion over take this area. I would really like to know the connection between the two religions and their areas. I have already started wikipedia-ing the historical questions i had.
Traveling alone wasnt bad. I met lots of people on my tour, but I like traveling with my friends. You can find silly things to laugh about, and the down time goes by a lot faster. I'll make due.
I know there was a lot more I was going to comment on, but I cant think, I'm still quite tired, so i'll probably post again later.
The first day of my tour was interesting but the second day was when I was really blown away. The underground city was ridiculous. It amazed me what Early Christians went through, first off to carve out 8 floors of stone, multiple rooms and being able to survive there. The time and man power it must have taken to build those cities is ridiculous. They said there would be thousands of people who lived in these cities too. They could only cook once a every few days and only at night for fear of enemies looking for them. THey would hid underground for days, not in luxury but on rocks. The first thing that came to mind during this was the Flinstones. No joke everything was rock. It amazed me that people would actually find them, as it felt like we were out in the middle of nowhere. Beyond that, there were 36 underground cities found in Cappadocia. Understanding a bit more what early Christians went through was very interesting. I think i have hardships when people make comments to me about Christianity, but i dont have to hid my faith. Even living in a predominantly Muslim country, They dont really bother me about it, I also respect them enough to not go around boasting my religious views.
I find it intersting that a country with so much Christian history has little to few actual Christians in it. How did it completely turn around? How did the Muslim religion over take this area. I would really like to know the connection between the two religions and their areas. I have already started wikipedia-ing the historical questions i had.
Traveling alone wasnt bad. I met lots of people on my tour, but I like traveling with my friends. You can find silly things to laugh about, and the down time goes by a lot faster. I'll make due.
I know there was a lot more I was going to comment on, but I cant think, I'm still quite tired, so i'll probably post again later.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Needing a little American
Well my second class if finished. One of the girls was about to cry as she left. That was cute. This class had an interesting dynamic. I got to know their personal lives pretty well, which was always interesting.
I think the most entertaining part of today was when one girl walks in late, and we were just discussing random things. She interrupts and says "christy! ray (her american dance teacher she is in love with - who has also been hitting on her) is married! He has a wife and two children in America! HE IS MARRIED! TWO CHILDREN!" My response was a bit of a chuckle and said "well what did I tell you about American guys, no good. They are very much liars, I'm sorry." What an American guy move, She was like " he doesnt wear a ring. and friend of mine found out and told me" Poor girl.
We ate food and watched "Despicable me" which is actually a really good movie! One of my fellow teachers put a bunch of movies on my harddrive. that will be nice for the holidays. On my walk home I got really sad. I have not been really homesick since I left. OF course i have days where i want to be home, but never homesick like I was fighting back tears. I am no sitting in Starbucks in attempt to get work done. I dont want to be annoyed by those cats at home, and I have a bunch of hours to kill until church tonight. Note to self. Dont be away from family next Christmas.
I think the most entertaining part of today was when one girl walks in late, and we were just discussing random things. She interrupts and says "christy! ray (her american dance teacher she is in love with - who has also been hitting on her) is married! He has a wife and two children in America! HE IS MARRIED! TWO CHILDREN!" My response was a bit of a chuckle and said "well what did I tell you about American guys, no good. They are very much liars, I'm sorry." What an American guy move, She was like " he doesnt wear a ring. and friend of mine found out and told me" Poor girl.
We ate food and watched "Despicable me" which is actually a really good movie! One of my fellow teachers put a bunch of movies on my harddrive. that will be nice for the holidays. On my walk home I got really sad. I have not been really homesick since I left. OF course i have days where i want to be home, but never homesick like I was fighting back tears. I am no sitting in Starbucks in attempt to get work done. I dont want to be annoyed by those cats at home, and I have a bunch of hours to kill until church tonight. Note to self. Dont be away from family next Christmas.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
cats
I was fine not having pets when i grew up. I liked animals like i liked children. they were fun for awhile but it was nice to give them back to their parents. Currently I am cat sitting for the two kittens that live downstairs, since i'm teh one who is here for Christmas. Two kittens, cute. but annoying. I come home for my few hour break, I sit at the table (the only place i have a spot to sit) and I'm attacked by kittens. they wont leave me alone. They are clawing at my shirt. I try to give them attention but I also had work to do, plus one of them smells. They are quite annoying I must say.
Today I finished my first class, they were an intense class, I started with them,after they kicked out the first teacher. I had my good nights and bad nights with them, but overall a great class. One of the girls made cake and brought it tonight, then I practiced with them for the test. After I said my goodbyes, i went to the teachers room to finish my paperwork, one of the turkish teachers called to me and said i had students looking for me. I went out and there were three of my students waiting for me to go out for a beer. Fun guys. we sat and practiced both languages. These were three of my favorite students. Very hard workers, not neccesarily the best ones, but entertaining. Two of them were the ones who always came to class drunk. They asked me lots of questions about my life in America. They were comparing prices of things,, and my favorite line was this " Christy, what kind of car did you have. what did you pay.. this is what it is in turkish, very expensive." Student" yeah cars very expensive so thats why i have a horse." (horse in turkey is like having a horse in chicago=ridiculous)I realized that he wasnt being sarcastic, because that had come up in class a few times. He was a very entertaining quite student. After our beer then insisted they take me to starbucks. I insisted they were crazy and that I wouldnt sleep tonight. So here i am one the morning blogging because I had starbucks. Note to the Americans, turks dont know the word No. We got our coffee to go, and started walking. At this time it was two male studnets and me, and they insisted to walk me to my door b/c it was midnight and I shouldnt walk alone. What great guys. During the last two classes, the differences between American men and Turkish men have come up. I have noticed a complete opposite. In turkey where i feel a lot safter a guy wont let me walk home alone. In america where the liklihood of me getting mugged is higher, a guy will easily let me walk home after my persistence.
The other week i went out to dinner with 8 of my turkish female students and my American friend Russ, The girls insisted on paying and when russ got up to go to the bathroom the girls freaked out. They told me that Turkish guys always pay and they were worried that russ would do that also ( Russ and i snickered as we both knew neither of us had the money to pick up a 10 person tab) i think its interesting how this culture still accepts teh fact that men take care of the women. When I was in cambridge i remember having a discussion with Bennas housemates about dates and weather a guy should pay. I remember feeling very old fashiioned when I insisted that a man should pay for a date. I hate that in America, there is that awkwardness, yes the girl offeres to pay or to split but the male is a MAN and pays. I guess our feminist friends have changed our luck.
I got a lot of warnings when I was looking to come here. "Christy they dont treat women the same there" Yes, there are many times where I am frustrated about the role of women, but many times its refreshing to know that I am treated like a "woman" I dont have to be good at sports, I dont have to be competitive to get a males approval. It is ok to be feminine, I am still respected. Not " woman make me a sandwich" but i will make you a sandwich because I would like to serve you.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, it is late for me, and I've had lots caffinee/sugar. However, my original post was going to be this: class one finished, i did it. Life is good. I am still trying to figure out my life after English time
Today I finished my first class, they were an intense class, I started with them,after they kicked out the first teacher. I had my good nights and bad nights with them, but overall a great class. One of the girls made cake and brought it tonight, then I practiced with them for the test. After I said my goodbyes, i went to the teachers room to finish my paperwork, one of the turkish teachers called to me and said i had students looking for me. I went out and there were three of my students waiting for me to go out for a beer. Fun guys. we sat and practiced both languages. These were three of my favorite students. Very hard workers, not neccesarily the best ones, but entertaining. Two of them were the ones who always came to class drunk. They asked me lots of questions about my life in America. They were comparing prices of things,, and my favorite line was this " Christy, what kind of car did you have. what did you pay.. this is what it is in turkish, very expensive." Student" yeah cars very expensive so thats why i have a horse." (horse in turkey is like having a horse in chicago=ridiculous)I realized that he wasnt being sarcastic, because that had come up in class a few times. He was a very entertaining quite student. After our beer then insisted they take me to starbucks. I insisted they were crazy and that I wouldnt sleep tonight. So here i am one the morning blogging because I had starbucks. Note to the Americans, turks dont know the word No. We got our coffee to go, and started walking. At this time it was two male studnets and me, and they insisted to walk me to my door b/c it was midnight and I shouldnt walk alone. What great guys. During the last two classes, the differences between American men and Turkish men have come up. I have noticed a complete opposite. In turkey where i feel a lot safter a guy wont let me walk home alone. In america where the liklihood of me getting mugged is higher, a guy will easily let me walk home after my persistence.
The other week i went out to dinner with 8 of my turkish female students and my American friend Russ, The girls insisted on paying and when russ got up to go to the bathroom the girls freaked out. They told me that Turkish guys always pay and they were worried that russ would do that also ( Russ and i snickered as we both knew neither of us had the money to pick up a 10 person tab) i think its interesting how this culture still accepts teh fact that men take care of the women. When I was in cambridge i remember having a discussion with Bennas housemates about dates and weather a guy should pay. I remember feeling very old fashiioned when I insisted that a man should pay for a date. I hate that in America, there is that awkwardness, yes the girl offeres to pay or to split but the male is a MAN and pays. I guess our feminist friends have changed our luck.
I got a lot of warnings when I was looking to come here. "Christy they dont treat women the same there" Yes, there are many times where I am frustrated about the role of women, but many times its refreshing to know that I am treated like a "woman" I dont have to be good at sports, I dont have to be competitive to get a males approval. It is ok to be feminine, I am still respected. Not " woman make me a sandwich" but i will make you a sandwich because I would like to serve you.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, it is late for me, and I've had lots caffinee/sugar. However, my original post was going to be this: class one finished, i did it. Life is good. I am still trying to figure out my life after English time
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)